Thread regarding ExxonMobil Corp. layoffs

EM urban dictionary.

EM is legendary for the creation of trendy corporate terminology.
Here I have collected some. Please feel free to contribute with your own.

"study work": used in 2020. some consulting firm has been hired to determine layoff size and implementation.
"leveraging of the new organizational structures": layoffs.
"performance and development summary (PDS)": a form in which what you write will be used by your supervisor against you to justify your placement in the ranking.
"performance assessment": ranking.
"performance improvement program (PIP)": an involuntary separation with 3 months severance.
"organizational transformation": when some executives are forced to retire and are not replaced by their successors.
"potential": a measure of how similar an individual talks and behaves compared to those who own the ranking.
"retirement eligible (RE)": an individual that can be legally terminated in 3 years, but not before 3 years.
"involuntary program": layoffs.
"digital": A filler (meaningless) word often used in any context and with any purpose by clueless managers and supervisors.

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| 3293 views | | 38 replies (last October 11, 2022)
Post ID: @OP+1iUy5nGx

38 replies (most recent on top)

EADS - former process for employee assessment replaced by PADP. Acronym for “Exxon Age Discrimination System”

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Post ID: @fshp+1iUy5nGx

PIP = annual layoff without full layoff benefits. Targets RE and non conformists who upset a Manager. In no way related to performance.

Poor performing Managers and ignorant destructive HiPos also have immunity from PIP no matter how bad they perform.

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Post ID: @6lqj+1iUy5nGx

"Country study" means your site is finished. Bye bye

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Post ID: @6bzg+1iUy5nGx

@2sju & @2tel

It's worse. There are a few Senior Principal Engineers in EMTEC who don't have an engineering degree.

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Post ID: @5ulp+1iUy5nGx

"low hanging fruit" Something I refused to be associated with. Annnnnnnnd that's why I got PIPed :-)

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Post ID: @5ylb+1iUy5nGx

Dilbert and Dogbert would be proud. Read the Scott Adams books. You will think a spy has been, or is in, your work group and is reporting to Adams. But, the time travel offset aspect will be confusing…………

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Post ID: @3rkk+1iUy5nGx

@ltfj. Anchor!! I resemble that remark

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Post ID: @2jhl+1iUy5nGx

@1tfj+1iUy5nGx
Didn’t know it at the time, but I was an ”anchor”.

Finally quit earlier this year because I’m not going to waste my talent in this he-l ho-e anymore.

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Post ID: @2sju+1iUy5nGx

I love the Principal Engineers who misspell their own titles using Principle . Makes them look a bit stupid after attaining such status.

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Post ID: @2tel+1iUy5nGx

"Principle" - title given to those with experience and knowledge who want to keep getting their paycheck and will stick around with little raise if given a title to reflect status above peers. Principles are who management go to when they want their idea's validated, and if you want to stay a Principle you validate.

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Post ID: @2rpf+1iUy5nGx

“Share buybacks” - the method used by the MC and board to artificially inflate share price when there are no better investment opportunities. $200bn in the past 20 years has led to a negative 10 yr TSR… so you literally could purchase t-bills or CDs at 1.1% from the local credit union and perform better.

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Post ID: @2ktf+1iUy5nGx

“Maintenance” - the process by which we don’t repair anything because of the “budget” or “stewardship” or “that’s not in the plan”. See also “managed decline”

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Post ID: @2cir+1iUy5nGx

Flawless Execution - a simple task or project that is over-designed and over budget set up to never fail.

Example: A team of 5 flawlessly executed a project to install a round electrical device into a socket to illuminate a dark space. ( aka sc--w in a light bulb)

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Post ID: @2tpu+1iUy5nGx

“Winning” : what ExxonMobil defines as excluding competition with better results until you’re first. Example : we don’t compare our refining assets to refining companies and don’t compare our production assets to pure play producers… we only compare to RDS, CVX, and… BP for everything. #winning

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Post ID: @2qkh+1iUy5nGx

Solomon: a 3rd party who compiles data from willing participants and then sells the compiled data back to the participants. Tells participants that the data should be used for benchmarking only. Data is then used to justify management’s poor decisions. Data viewed by non-chosen and then used to draw logical conclusions are dismissed (it looks like the Most Profitable Refiners are 2Q on OPEX and Headcount…. So why are we 1Q on Headcount and OPEX)

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Post ID: @2qfo+1iUy5nGx

Most of these are not EM specific but annoying corporate lingo.

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Post ID: @1rbi+1iUy5nGx

“Anchor” - a subject matter expert who serves the dual purpose of camouflaging HiPo’s lack of expertise, while simultaneously earning a ever-declining ranking.

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Post ID: @1tfj+1iUy5nGx

"planning advisor": a parking assignment for brown-nosing yes-men hi-pos waiting for another promotion whose primary responsibility is to compile random slides into new PowerPoint presentations for managers and VPs.

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Post ID: @1qby+1iUy5nGx

"influence without authority": an oxymoron, a figure of speech to induce delusional regular employees to believe that management gives a fk about their opinion.

"effective communication": regurgitation of management rhetoric.

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Post ID: @1hoi+1iUy5nGx

What about job redundancy?

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Post ID: @1rwj+1iUy5nGx

“Courage of Conviction” - one of the new ExxonMobil Leadership Dimensions, described as how vigorously someone can argue in support of the current corporate position on a topic

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Post ID: @1iii+1iUy5nGx

@1rle It all sounds the same because every company with more than 10k employees hires the same “messaging consultants”.

“Messaging consultant”: an educated id--t who weaves corporate doublespeak terms that are designed to obfuscate the true intentions of the user.

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Post ID: @1gha+1iUy5nGx

This is awesome

thank you the original poster

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Post ID: @1ozu+1iUy5nGx

These are great!!!! Thanks

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Post ID: @1vvn+1iUy5nGx

“objective data” - a thoroughly deliberate effort to manipulate data in a way that supports whatever conclusion that was predetermined by management

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Post ID: @1juo+1iUy5nGx

Continuous Improvement
Score Card
Opportunity Adjustment
No One Gets Hurt

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Post ID: @1vkx+1iUy5nGx

This isn’t XOM terminology…it’s how all companies are..?

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Post ID: @1rle+1iUy5nGx

"broadening assignment". A process by which a competent individual in a specific domain is assigned to a completely different domain in which demonstrates complete incompetent.

"career progression". Sequence of three-year "broadening assignments" (according to the previous definition) to guarantee incompetence in a broad range of domains.

"advisor". An individual that has completed at least five consecutive "broadening assignments" (according to the previous definition) in completely orthogonal domains.

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Post ID: @1ngk+1iUy5nGx

"Energy Transition": A public relations campaign designed to apace the investor community while waiting for government subsidies and incentives to render CO2 storage profitable.

"EMTEC". Also known as "EM purgatory". An organization designed as the corporation playground for outsourcing and acceleration of attrition.

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Post ID: @1bde+1iUy5nGx

"Leadership Team (LT)". Manager's entourage of parasites and brow-nosing yes-men/women.

"Objectives and Key Results (OKRs)". A set of vague aspirational declarations advanced by a new manager or supervisor based on biased opinions that create the illusion of progress and usually expire when such manager or supervisor move to a different assignment.

"he/him" and "she/her". "Pronouns used in email signatures, typically adopted by supervisors to mirror its manager, used to project a façade of care and concern for gender diversity and to dissimulate implicit bias.

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Post ID: @1mbu+1iUy5nGx

Porting (instead of outsourcing)- obtain a service from an outside or foreign entity especially in place of an internal source.

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Post ID: @1ipp+1iUy5nGx

Don’t go “pair shaped.”

And,

In 2019; “lean into it” to spend 25-30 billion a year for the next 5 years to double production. That one takes the crown.

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Post ID: @1jta+1iUy5nGx

LMAO!!!

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Post ID: @1guz+1iUy5nGx

YEE

Corky dots

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Post ID: @1wtm+1iUy5nGx

"Managing Upward"...taking credit for you team's contributions while concealing truth in order to maximizing positive outcome for self.

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Post ID: @1yby+1iUy5nGx

"Development Opportunity"- a skill you lack and what will be used against you to lower your rank to NSI..you can obtain the skill elsewhere

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Post ID: @1hgn+1iUy5nGx

@OP I’ve got one:

“Subject matter expert”

Someone who hasn’t learned/done anything new for ten years, coasted in his career, and looks up answers to questions in paywalled standards, regurgitating them to people who are even more useless than he is.

Also known as “Senior Contributors”.

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Post ID: @hmv+1iUy5nGx

“Gain alignment”: propose something to a manager to test the waters on what their opinion is, and then immediately revise the proposal yo whatever they want.

“Future state”: A nebulous vision of a utopia where engineers in 3rd world countries work for minimum wages but offer equivalent 24/7 support to operations and projects as local engineers, and technicians are suddenly highly-skilled, self-motivated experts on all pieces of equipment.

“Value diversity”: We will conduct a post-mortem analysis of how skewed the PA buckets are for minorities and females, and then subsequently change rotation and succession plans to ensure a better spread the following cycle, regardless of the employee’s personal career preferences or capabilities.
“Competitive advantage”: We will do everything our competitors do but more slowly, costly, late, with older technology, commanded from top-down management, provide more training in MPI than in employee’s actual skill needs, and then pay millions for 3rd party studies to report that we are doing so.

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Post ID: @xlu+1iUy5nGx

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