My experience at splunk was a terrible one. So as I leave soon, I figured I would put pen to paper. I’ve worked at 5-6 big techs and the US govt. Splunk is by far the lowest and most messed up of all I’ve experienced in 25 years. And there is no close second...
Executive…wanna be big tech. Falls flat. No one trusts you. Gary, the once a splunker always a splunker was so terrible. No one who left or got laid off feels that way at all. Going to SKO after all of that trauma, absolutely classless move. It screams....old school CEO...let's party while we let go 400 people and then another 5,000 knew someone who got let go. And for the inconsiderate that said, "well I didnt know anyone so it's not my problem..." you're just a POS person.
Senior and Middle. You seem to have all left somewhere as Junior to come to splunk and become high and mighty. Not counting the dev and actual techies but I’ve never seen so many people spread bitterness and hate amongst employees. the short responses, the way you treat people on slacks, the way you ask for things of people who don't even do them. It's sad cause you are some of the most pathetic and incompetent people I've ever seen. The people that left the orgs recently, they seemed to cultivate a certain atmosphere, but it is still very much alive at splunk. I don’t know what qualifications there are for middle managers there but it definitely doesn’t come from being good at your job or being good at tech. It was the weirdest. I had mgmt above me who would’ve been janitors at my last company. The funniest thing is most of their opinions were subjective and had to do with feelings about things; which in tech, is the worst way of managing. Executive sponsors or go-betweens. Absolutely brutal. Like useless. You know who you are.
Sales management. You did not invent splunk or any tech. Stop acting like you’re better than most. Your faces and messaging are downright hated, not even tolerated. Your power hungry and control and lack of simple tech is appalling. AVP’s of sales…where you go when you know nothing. You role makes you nothing. My mgmt expected us to bow down to you all, but you have to earn it....well at good companies you do.
SE’s…you didn’t invent splunk. Stop acting high and mighty. Legit could be replaced by someone who used the app for a year.
Sales reps...be a good human being. Like just try being normal. Stop barking orders at people. Stop picking sides. Stop, um, thinking you sold 100m deal when it was a 500k deal. Splunk is one of 100 players. you are as replaceable as the windows.
AE’s..pretty good. Again, anyone acting high and mighty, you’re laughed at as being a joke. AE mgmt. stop reading from scripts. It’s not Hollywood. Just approve vaca.
ODS…you’re just like PS. No one really cares what the difference is.
ODS/program mgmt…you’re basically calendar jockeys with little to no prod or technical experience. But you keep treating people who aren’t in ODS like getting a customer a case is SO important. arguing with support while the customer waits....totally unprofessional. embarassing. Your support with a different name.
Support/TSAM’s…keep up the good work. Lots of good people. Stay at splunk cause you’re getting 40% more pay and seems like the one job that actually can go anywhere with.
CSM’s…the role you’re in could be filled by college grads or interns. For some reason splunk keeps pushing this agenda but you literally have zero to do with renewals. You know it but keep milking it and use those Amex cards to act like you’re a jet setter. You’re below marketing at this point but keep taking the customers to TGIF’s. I showed respect to the CSM's, but the strategy and direction from the characters that have been there and are there now, pure comedy. Guys who really should be running an ice cream parlor; not some division of "success". The goals for them need to be told to sales so sales people dont just continue to dump on them.
PS/EM..ummmmm…this is a hodge podge of people who think they’re special but again could be replaced with some overseas person who took a Udemy course. Use the hours dopes! Stop trying to look good and take a long look in the mirror. EM's take responsibility instead of taking it personal that this customer or that customer makes you mad. Really, grow up!!
Product...start doing brown bags for other depts. It's somewhat sad that most dont know what youre up to, but you do a one hour deck and expect people to know all the latest and greatest.
SOC/NOC...do same. get the word out. offer brown bags. offer people to shadow. ya know...be a normal tech company.
Cloud security…you’re the best of the best. Your mgmt is pretty awesome as well.
That’s all for now. All I could think of while I was at the gym. Splunk will eventually be chopped up I hope but I hope no big tech buys them cause the culture and way many act is the complete opposite of tech collab and cohesion. It’s sad but with overpriced products and it being such a Wolf of Wall Street mentality, it’s a terrible place to work. Super high attrition. The diversity and inclusion is 100% fake. The ISM culture, 100% real. Thankful I got out and will never push their overpriced stuff at all.
Good riddance.