Thread regarding Splunk Inc. layoffs

The "importance" of being Splunky...

A friend of mine that joined splunk many years ago when I came on board was tossing out some stuff as he was moving. We both spent several years at Splunk, in dev and on the matriculation of SPL. I think this book came out in 2020. The Importance of being Splunky. He let me read it. Wow. Some comedy.

Tip 1 Exude Energy…If something excites us, we show it. We’re not jaded or bored and we’re never too cool for school. We’re a company of doers, so infuse your message with zeal.

Comments…people were always put off by my suggestions and comments as if we couldn’t improve anything. It was the opposite of all my exp in dev. It was also a ton of shade from sales and execs to get things done fast. That’s I came to realize they hired a ton of inexperienced people playing work. Pathetic.

Work here…be happy. It’s peppy, bright and gets right to the point. Including all the other details is fine but this sums it up briskly and buoyantly.

Comments..I have never experienced misery and a fake sense of “everything is going great” like I did splunk. I worked at a huge tech company once before. Splunk had 5x the amount of attrition that they had. I couldn’t believe all the coming and going. I am sure I know why. The culture is a sham. Most of the times it’s a sham cause they’re letting rookies handle senior level work. It’s horrible.

Tip 2 Stay Positive…steer clear of negative language. We look at the bright side. We don’t spread fear or doom and gloom. Where others see problems, we see opportunities.

Comments…every quarter it was “if we dont make this release….it’s over…if we don’t wow this customer, it’s over…if we don’t kiss up to this company’s C level and have them sign, it’s over.” that’s like sweat shop conditions to work in….and again…compared to many good tech companies, not sustainable. I never worked with so many people who were so doom and gloom. It would be funny cause they were usually the most inexperienced or just flat out stupid of the group.

Tip 3 Converse. That is, be conversational. Talk like a teammate who is in the game, not barking orders from the sidelines. Don’t dictate. Just connect. Human to human.

Comments…Splunk is definitely a dictatorship that has grown among the men and women in power. I wont use his name here, but a few were as bad as the worst dictators. They also favorited people of certain s-x/color/orientation….which I really never took notice to unless it was in front of my face. Splunk is really taking working culture back decades. And barking. Their sales dept should be nicknamed the kennel. From the mgmt to the reps to everything in between. The funny thing is they are only loyal to their pockets. If they’re there a year or 10, that’s all they care about…oh that and getting a free trip.

I am no longer with splunk. Close to retirement. My time there, easily the worst professional experience I’ve ever had in my life. Maybe the worst experience overall. My hope is that most of the bad actors are gone, but I am certain more will pop out as new baby dictators.

The “regime” shall we say…

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