Thread regarding Qualcomm Inc. layoffs

Business Image Management

Here are some tips for your personal business image mgmt, see the note below....

White Board

  • Never, ever, clean your whiteboard, the busier looking the board, the better.

  • Don't ever erase anything, ever.

  • Use your hand to smudge things all over if you need room to write anything.

Lunch

  • Always eat in your cube.

  • The smellier the food, the better.

  • The entire building knows you're so busy that you can't eat anywhere other than your desk.

Desk

  • Always leave your desk in a state of chaos.

  • That's how busy you are.

Phone Calls

  • Never use an earpiece.

  • Talk as loud as humanly possible on your phone regarding every little bit of business, even though - you could just use instant messaging.

  • Shout over the cubes, it shows how collaborative and how busy you are.

  • You can't have so much time as to actually walk to another person's desk.

Hope this helps...

Not my post, but it's pure #gold - lifted it off Intel's board... Bro will ask again, so here it goes: double asterisk for bold, dash for bullets...

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Post ID: @X80i2lY
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12 replies (most recent on top)

OP, some more 'tips' for Qualcomm business image management :

  • always book back to back meetings in distance buildings; this ensures 1) you leave the first meeting hurriedly, appearing important with, "got to run to another meeting" and 2) arrive a bit late at the second meeting, apologized often and loudly, "so sorry, had another important core meeting that over ran, gosh, so busy this week"

  • walk quickly down corridors, pretending to hold a needlessly loud but semi hushed conversation about, "urgent price sensitive discussions" and "critical issues to escalate to the execs". Be sure to name check, "Cristiano" and "the execs" and "JimT", maybe throw in an odd "next weeks offsite"

  • on the rare days you are in the office before 9am, be sure to call by your directors office so he knows you are and on-the-ball early bird; most of the team wander in around 11.

  • late night and holiday emails are CRITICAL. MLK was a great opportunity to send out middle of the day "critical updates"

  • never ever actually commit to anything in email. Always leave the door open to "sync up later" and "check in with few folks" or to "put it on the agenda next time".

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-8vcr

You know; weakness doesn’t get species extincted, arrogance does! Good luck to you all “real” engineers!

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-2ctp

This kind of behavior used to be very common in my office, which is now shut down due to too much sh-- on the whiteboard!!!

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-1qdv

@1qkg - I will give you that. Associate engineers are working in the shared (but still private) offices. Once they advance in their career to the full engineer level, they are also getting the keys to the private (no room mate) office.

If somebody works in the cubicle, this person is not an engineer (from Q point of view), and never will be one.

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-1hkl

I’m a “real” engineer, and any discussion about needing an office to be a “real engineer” is complete arrogant nonsense.

However, while we are ranting, one thing that irritates the sh!t out of me is when programmers call themselves “software engineers”. Unless your degree says “engineering”, you are NOT an engineer regardless of your title.

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-1oze

@1kqm Dear sir, Let me tell you this, because you may have not set foot in HQ offices for a long time: many enginers in HQ do not have a private office, because they either share office with other colleagues or their teams are located in cubicle area. Why? Because some appleholes sold HQ buildings over the years! Your assetion that colleagues who do not have a private office are not real engineers is the very opposite of respect.

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-1qkg

@1kqm, @afr, Seriously?

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-1iol

pxa - there are cubicles for non-engineering workforce. Some of them have in their title word "engineer", and this is very unfortunate - they are not and never will be real ones.

Q is an engineering company, built and run by engineers. They value and respect engineers, and in established Q tradition all real engineers work in private offices.

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-1kqm

There are cubicles. That said, you arrogant dummy haven’t been ever near SD HQ

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-pxa

at Q real engineers work in private offices.

if you work place is in the cubicle, you are not an engineer, no matter what is your title.

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-afr

The "shouting over cubes" thing is too real. Some people need to get a freaking life outside of Q.

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-arr

Do this only if your VP is present. Otherwise working and dont show up to work are the same

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Post ID: @X80i2lY-ftp

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