These are just rumors, IBM is actually hiring! So many positions are open, so stop spreading rumors please! Do you agree ?
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Three Microsoft executives and three IBM executives were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three IBM software executives each bought tickets and watched as the three Microsoft software executives bought only a single ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one of the IBM executives.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers one of the Microsoft executives.
They all boarded the train. The IBM software executives took their respective seats but all three Microsoft software executives crammed into a restroom and closed the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, “Ticket, please.”
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.
The IBM software executives witnessed all this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the IBMers decide to copy the Microsofties' trick on the return trip to save some money.
When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the Microsoft executives didn’t buy a ticket at all.
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asked one of the perplexed IBM executives.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answered one of the Microsoft executives.
When they boarded the train the three IBM executives crammed into the first restroom they could find. The three Microsoft executives piled into another one nearby. Shortly thereafter, the train left the station.
After a brief interval, one of the Microsoft software executives left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the IBM executives were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please…”
P.S. Enjoy this joke and pass it around to show what crass id--ts and loser managers and executives work at IBM !
A salesman from Apple and a salesman from IBM occupy offices in the same building. The Apple salesman was in his thirties, the IBM salesman was in his sixties. They rode the elevator together on the way home from work after an unbelievably hot, sticky day. The younger Apple salesman was dressed in business casual, a neat looking Apple golf shirt was tucked into his pair of black dress pants. The IBM rep was wearing his corporate issued dark blue business suit, equipped with standard white shirt and IBM blue tie affixed with the customary Windsor knot.
The Apple salesman was completely exhausted, and he noted with some resentment that his competitor, the more senior IBM salesman, was as fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," marveled the Apple salesman in the elevator that day. "How can you listen to customers all day long, from morning till night, on a day like this, and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?"
The older IBM salesman replied simply, "Who listens?"
Oops! Well that didn't age well :-/
Nice try HR
"Four cannibals apply for a job in at IBM"
thanks that made me laugh
Four cannibals apply for a job in at IBM
„Well“, says AK „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“
The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.
Everything is going well for a while, and one day AK calls them into his office.
“You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”
The cannibals swear that they are innocent.
AK believes them and leaves the office and they all turn to their leader.
“You id--ts!”, he screams. “Who ate the cleaner?”
One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.
“You fool!”, shouts the leader. "For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resource staff, and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss !"
Everyone here fell for the paid poster. This site is ad driven. When posts slow, so does advertising dollars. It was purposely made by paid posters with the “ do you agree?” At the end so people would post and they could now say activity up and charge higher (or get) advertising
I might add that IBM is also hiring at much lower band levels than what they used to. They want experience but do not want to pay for it.
USA headcount by year You decide if it’s a rumor or not
2012 = 106,975
2013 = 102,971
2014 = 102,242
2015 = 91,726
2016 = 84,982
2017 = 81,703
2018 = 78,737
2019 = 73,105
2020 = 69,696
2021 = 64,315
2022 = 54,151
2023 = 51,708
IBM is certainly hiring, but you don’t take a 400 million “stranded” costs charge in the 1st q and preannounce a 500 million dollar charge in the 3rd and say it’s a rumor. They announced it, and booked the charges SO yes IBM is laying off
IBM is indeed hiring but I would say it is ultra-conservative hiring. Some openings originate because a former IBMer was put on Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) with little chance of overcoming it. Other openings are because of a niche sales growth area that IBM wants to pursue. There is not sufficient sales growth right now to say they have widespread hiring. Nor are many other technology vendors today. Right now with the technology job market climate as it exists today, you are better off working for a customer of a technology vendor and not a technology vendor.