"Now Harry... I'll be honest with you. The board is incredibly impressed with your experience. Your portfolio speaks loud and clear, your outstanding business sense is common knowledge, and you're one of the most down to earth candidates we've ever interviewed."
"Sir, that's awfully kind of you to say." The words escaped nervously from my mouth and were were barely more audible than a whisper.
He was telling the truth. I was perfect for the job. I'd spent the last twenty-five years building up my reputation and a solid portfolio... And now I was going to finally become the CEO of Google. Sergey Brin himself had just told me how perfect I was for his company. This only reinforced my observation of the last seven interviews having gone well.
"But... There's something we need to discuss." This sentence would stop a normal man dead in his tracks. But I was different. I was confident. I was the best.
Besides, I'd never harmed a soul, and I truly intended on being CEO for all the right visions. I had a vision; I was going to bring Internet to the entire third world; and Google was going to help me realise this dream.
"Anything you'd like to talk about, Mr Brin." I tried my best to sound enthusiastic and professional.
"Harry... We've done our background checks on you everything seemed perfect. A little too perfect, in fact. We had a team of PIs look into every aspect of your life. You'll never guess what we found in your primary school record!"
"Uh, no sir. Not a clue." I tried my best not to laugh. I knew Sergey was, by reputation, a humorous man. Having said that, business was business, and Sergey had no reason to joke about my primary school records if he was planning on hiring me.
"Mrs Clarke. Second grade. 'Harry today ate an entire pack of crayons. When this health risk was discovered, we confiscated his pack. He proceeded to take crayons from every other child in the class, snapping them and taking a chomp every few seconds.' Do you know what that depicts to me, Harry?"
"No sir." At this point, I'm almost sure Sergey is taking the mickey. I did remember the incident, in truth. I shuffled nervously in my chair as I awaited Sergey's punchline. Surely it would be a humourous way to let me know I'd got the job.
"I see Homer Simpson grabbing donuts out of thin air and stuffing his face with them... Disrespecting the donut GODS!" I was nearly choking on my own laughter. "I hope this is funny to you Harry. Because crayons created the Google logo, and we don't disrespect our deities in this office. Take your resume, and get the f*** out of here."
By this point, I'm nearly on the floor laughing. What a hilarious way to get to know someone. The job was all mine. Or so I thought. I noticed a stern look on Sergey's face.
"Get out." I begin to think he's being serious. A deafening silence fills the board room. After half a minute, it becomes unbearable. "Go. Now." He is serious. I start packing up my papers, and shove them carelessly into my briefcase. Have they just turned the heater up?
My hand shakes as it reaches for the door. My embarrassment can be felt from the other side the city.
"And Harry..." I turn back, not really sure I'm interested in what this freak has to say. "You should have seen the look on your face. Welcome to the team, crayon boy!"