As Oracle is now basically a SaaS holding company and is laying off field sales, it's time for practical SaaS services that Oracle executives can really use! Choose from one of these outstanding new Oracle cloud products:
MLaaS: A new Machine Learning cloud service ... but anytime Oracle says "machine learning" they mean that Oracle thinks a machine can learn to do your job, so this is really just a service that generates layoff notices!
Fake5aaS: With a push of a button, post fake 5-star reviews on Glassdoor using Oracle Machine Learning technology! By the way, if you come to work for this group at Oracle, it will truly be an outstanding and trendsetting career opportunity with an empowering work environment! *
BOOBaaS: What do you do if your CEO s-xually harasses female employees? You need Boobernetes (tm), Oracle's new s-xual harassment orchestration service! Using sensors and IoT technology, this cloud platform automatically detects groping of employees, then automatically generates Non-Disclosure Agreements, out-of-court settlement documents, and even hush money checks to the victims ... all in 58 milliseconds!
LOBaaS: "LOB" does not stand for Line of Business, it stands for Layoff Broadcasting! What do you do when you're laying off so many people that not even robocall layoff notices scale well enough? With a push of a button, LOB as a Service launches drones with giant loudspeakers that hover over Oracle offices screaming "TODAY IS YOUR LAST DAY AT ORACLE." No more need to worry about being called in to an early morning meeting with your boss!