I will show up to work at 9am in order to make it to the standup meeting and will lie my as$ off about the status of my story.
Then I will pour some liquor in my coffee while I browse this site and post some annoying c-ap, follow by more web browsing until lunch time comes at 11:15.
I will return to work around 2 PM in order to make my status appear green (may check on my phone from time to time just so that my mgr doesn't see me away for over 1hr)
After moving all new email to the trash I will chat with my peers for about half hour and then ask them if they want to go for a coffee break. Once finished with coffee break, I will once again check my email and delete it from my inbox. At 4:25 i will start the shutdown sequence and head home.
I will repeat this pattern everyday with the exception of sprint end/beginning.
At sprint end I will claim my story had to be split. I will take the new story next sprint :)
At the beginning of the sprint I add a little more liquor to my coffee to make the boring meetings more fun.
Finally, on Friday I work less hard and have more fun.