Thread regarding University of Phoenix layoffs

PSSSsssssttt! IT Guy here. Yes, I faked my death, but I had to— the heat was coming down too hot. I know some of you have lost faith in me— but I’m the IT Guy! I’m looking out for you! I know some of you have been disappointed that some of my predictions weren’t exactly right, but you have to understand this: in the exciting and lucrative field of IT, we do things so fast you can’t even comprehend it. For instance, when you put in a ticket to the IT Help Desk, it may appear to you that 4 weeks have passed without a response, but we actually responded to it immediately! It just took you 4 weeks to perceive our response. It’s a quantum speed-of-light type of thing-- highly technical-- you wouldn’t understand. Trust me, I have your backs.