Anyone feel like just ending it? Thought maybe I was making a difference from "the inside" for nearly 20 years but obvs not.
But yeah, I know, most of you will just say go ahead and off myself. I get it.
That's just the state of things.
17 replies (most recent on top)
Depends on your Supervisor. Mines has no issue showing my career from their POV. It will show your past potential #s. Be sure it's something you want to see. You might learn your favorite Supervisor thought you was a**.
To the original poster: Mental health is the most important thing. No person or job can define you. There is life outside of ExxonMobil and YOUR life matters. Nothing can replace the experiences and things you have accomplished at ExxonMobil.
I’ve been there after getting PIPed. You can take several weeks or even months of paid sick leave for mental health depending on your years of service. If you’re at a site, call MOH (Medical and Occupational Health) and talk to a nurse to be put on leave. Best thing I ever did. Anyone at campus who knows the process, please chime in.
Please take care of yourself OP. I promise you this job is nothing in the grand scheme of things and there’s great things to come.
Been there when I was put on PIP.
XOM is doodly-squat in the big picture, OP.
How we've been convinced that we are our job is beyond me.
But it's drilled into us from day one of our lives.
Hard to have an independent thought in this scenario.
But give that a try.
The good news is Exxon Mobil alumni always seems to do really well out in real world. My tenure at XOM ends June 30 next year. I’m no longer afraid given how much I’m paid. I think I can make the same amount easily somewhere else. Besides that I started collecting Social Security I’ll have my 401(k) and my pension Life is good. Outside of Exxon Mobil.
I've decided to look for jobs outside of the company
Feel exactly the same way, OP, I'm with you in my thoughts. Hope you can keep yourself in a piece, up there. Down here, I'm already broken in so many pieces to return to any respectable or healthy mind state. Leave if you can, you may find another job, I'm old and done in a country with no other jobs. I just pray I don't hurt in my self destructive process.
How did you know that your potential was lowered?
Hey buddy I think I know how you’re feeling. I was so dedicated to XOM it really became my identity. I learned a few weeks ago my potential was lowered to 29 from executive. It is a cr-ppy feeling because I know I’m capable but people or a computer said I’m not. And after 0% raise last year, I only received .8% for next year.
My first mistake is was being su-ked in. They don't care about you and are replaceable. So I’m telling myself not to care so much anymore and to focus on other things that bring me joy. Honestly that’s been hard for me the last couple weeks because I was all-in 100% Exxon.
Anyways I can’t say more than that. I’m struggling too so just know you’re not alone. Hold strong. The positive as we figure this out, we’re still making great money which will buy us time and resource to figure it out.
OP - I know the Holiday season can be extra depressing. My MIL worked for XOM and she retired at 55 because her doctor told her the company stress was affecting her health. I am glad she retired early because she had time to enjoy her life because she passed away a few years ago.
Nothing is worth taking your life if that is what you are alluding to. Call su----e hot-line if you are serious. Call EAP to get some longer term help. Your health is the most important and the company doesn't give a rats a$$ so you have to look after yourself. Leaving the company with your current state of mind is not advisable. Best to take health leave until your mind is in a better state and you have a plan to get your health issues sorted out first. Major dental and surgeries are expensive outside employee health plan even on retiree medical. A friend of mine had knee surgery and he went on medical leave for 2 months to recover, then he had knee surgery on the other knee and went on medical leave for 2 months to recover. His first day back on the job he said he was retiring. HR said "you can't do that". He said "the he-l I can". He is know living his best life, bought a ranch, raising cattle, golfing, working out and is he busier than ever doing the things he wants to do. I need to bring a bottle of aquavit and go visit him because the retiree is too busy to come visit the working stiff.
Exxon can be cruel. Like a shark when it detects blood. I have seen then torture employees Especially when they know you are in debt or sick. The managers are heartless. The supervisor i have only cares about thier upward mobility and nothing else. If they could they would fire me as I don't meet their expectations. Nothing will satisfy this power mad supervisor. They will stop at nothing to advance. Absolute power breeds Absolute madness. Don't let them win.
@OP I’ve never felt like ending it and I don’t think you should either.
This is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Trust me bro, Exxon isn’t worth it. Nothing is.
You’ve got a great life ahead of you. Ditch your toxic employer and live it.
I recommend calling the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and get connected to therapy. They can help you take leave and cover the medical costs. Focus on getting better first, retirement or resignation can wait until you have a clear head.
OP - I’ve been there. No longer there but I can say with certainty my worst days outside are far better now than my best years inside. Your bravery in sharing this feeling is extraordinary, as is your courage to continue to try to effect positive change in a landscape that became completely dystopian when DW and crowd seized the levers of power. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but hearing the quality of who you are as a person in your words, I know that your work is not close to complete on this earth. Strongly recommend taking a leave or simply resigning, talking to a great therapist and starting fresh somewhere that values courage, kindness and integrity as present leadership does not and never will. You deserve to be appreciated for the extraordinary human you are. Full stop.
Leave the company and the job for sure. I've got to that conclusion finally at the end of this year and have 2025 set as a new start. I'll be off in February. Life will be better outside of what EM has become for the majority.
Ending the job yes. Ending anything else no. You must win. Retire escape and live life. I keep fighting until the end. I relesh the challenge and will fight the corrupt evil supervisors. They will not break me. So stay strong and keep up the fight.
Don’t give up, please. You are not defined by this.