I’m still here, but just thinking about work gives me panic attacks. It’s toxic and even though I don’t have anything lined up yet, I feel like I’m out of time. I’ve put my health last before and it never ends well.
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I walked away 2 months ago and I have never slept better.
This place destroyed my physical health. Which is often caused by persistent high levels of stress. When my manager called to let me know my role was displaced, I was two working days away from collapsing. Or, so it seemed at that time. After he hung up, I said to myself: ”Thank you, God.” Despite all the resultant hardship, I have been much happier ever since.
@e3 thanks. I hide a lot with AI. The message is what counts. HR is so far behind in this fearful bank. Something will break before CS gets his $.
Yes. I am about to take an 11K salary cut and 50 percent bonus slash to work remote and get out of here.
I often think the same thing and wonder if it would be crazy to forego the big paychecks for a job that I actually feel good about doing and feel physically tired after a day instead of mentally beat. So the 401k doesn’t grow as fast and dinners out might not be very frequent- maybe life would be more enjoyable. We are bombarded with the “is 2 million enough to retire? How does your 401k compare to other 55 year olds?” It’s constant and honestly exhausting. So your income will be less, I think waking up and enjoying going to work would be so much more valuable.
@ar Do you need a hug?
You are aware that there's over 150k of us, and hardly any of those are "experienced developers", right? We have such a small sample size here that you're likely the only one with that title in this thread. So...yeah.
I wish I had.
I retired 18 months ago and I still have a mild case of PTSD from Wells. Toward the end it was literally taking all I had to get through another day.
Money is not that f*cking important.
Job market is not bad for experienced developers so I am not sure why people think this. If you su-k then it will su-k but if you stayed relevant and can do the job there are plenty out there.
It’s much easier to find a new job while having a current one.
Get an actual therapist, not some chatbot like @e1 did when he posted that slop
Take a leave. I did for a couple months. I came back with a laid back attitude, realized no matter what I did, it didn't matter. Just took everything with a grain of salt and things got better, just cause my outlook changed. It took 2 months of leave to establish this way of thinking so I could get through when I came back. Do it.
YES
@e1 when I first saw this I thought oh no here’s the mumbo psych jumbo post but I can honestly say you’ve made some true points in this, some of which I’m experiencing. So much so that I’m taking extra time now to think about my options as life is too short to go through this kind of madness again. Glad you found a good place to work and thrive.
It's heartbreaking, but not surprising, to see these posts. They paint a clear picture of the severe human cost of a psychologically unsafe workplace, where survival often means choosing between your mental health and your paycheck. Having moved on to an environment where employee well-being is a priority, I can tell you that what's being described is not normal, and it's certainly not acceptable.
The Human Cost of Psychological Abuse
Let's call this what it is: psychological abuse. When an employee has panic attacks just thinking about their work week, it's a sign of a deeply toxic environment. This isn't just "work stress"; it's a sustained state of fear and anxiety triggered by a workplace that lacks basic safety and respect. The constant threat of political maneuvering, favoritism, and retribution puts an individual's nervous system into overdrive.
This is not just an abstract HR concept. It has real, devastating consequences. We cannot and should not ever forget tragedies like the death of Greg Beckett. That is the ultimate, horrifying endpoint of a culture that pushes its people past their breaking point. It's a stark reminder that the stakes are not just about business metrics, but about human lives.
Survival Tactics: Disengagement and Insulation
In a system that punishes engagement, employees are forced to develop survival strategies. The advice on that board is a perfect catalog of these coping mechanisms.
Strategic Disengagement: The concept of "quiet quitting" or doing the bare minimum is not indicative of laziness. It's a conscious decision to stop investing your full self in a place that gives nothing back but pain. When your best efforts are ignored or punished, pulling back your discretionary effort is a rational act of self-preservation. You stop offering ideas, you stop challenging bad processes, and you conserve your energy just to get through the day.
Emotional Insulation: Similarly, advice to "disassociate" and treat the job as nothing more than a paycheck is about building a mental wall. It's an attempt to stop the toxicity from poisoning your entire life. You have to numb yourself to the chaos and dysfunction just to protect your sanity. While it's a necessary defense, it's a tragedy that people have to emotionally abandon their jobs while still physically being there.
Confronting the Voice of a Toxic Culture
The most telling comment on that thread was the one telling the poster to "man up." That single phrase is the voice of the unsafe culture. It's the sound of contempt for vulnerability. In a healthy organization, an employee expressing distress is met with resources and support. In a toxic one, they are met with shame and told their suffering is a personal failing.
This attitude is precisely what creates the fear. It tells everyone that if they admit a mistake, ask for help, or show any sign of "weakness," they will be attacked. It’s the reason people suffer in silence until they either break down or leave.
The Path Forward: Boundaries and Prevention
For anyone still in that environment, learning to set firm boundaries is non-negotiable. This means consciously deciding when your workday ends, refusing to let work-related anxiety dominate your personal time, and protecting your mental space. It means saying "no." It means using your PTO to actually disconnect. It means understanding that your well-being is more important than any project or any manager's unreasonable demand.
From a leadership perspective, preventing these situations is our most critical responsibility. It requires more than just an Employee Assistance Program; it requires actively building a culture of psychological safety where abusive managers are held accountable, where feedback is encouraged, and where the well-being of our team is our top priority. I'm thankful to now be at a bank where we understand that our people are our greatest asset, not disposable cogs in a machine.
Call and talk to Employee Assistance Consulting. They are kind and helpful.
Hang in there. Take good care of your mental and physical health. Especially, if your family depends on you for survival. Look around and see all the good things we stop noticing and appreciating because of daily grind. Family. Love. Peace. Blue sky. Warm and glowing Sun. The Earth, which we call home. Your home. Your house. Your car. Food in the fridge. Birds on the roof. You. Being here. Walking. Talking. Hugging. Laughing. Movie night. A breakfast with the love of your life. God looking at you — always. Life is an amazing gift.
Quit listening to the executives, focus on yourself and your specific role. When the shift is over, do what you can to forget about the job. Do things you care about, with people you care about.
OP you’ve gotten some solid advice from a few replies. Please take it. I’m on the other side of this in severance and I can tell you it has taken several months to work through the cost of leaving it all on the field as the saying goes. Best to dial it back emotionally and mentally now so the landing will not be so rough. Do your job and it doesn’t mean you become a robot but just conserve your energy, pepper in more pto etc. Your nervous system will thank you for it. Hang in there.
No, just quiet quit and wait for the severance. If they can pay Charlie Scharf 30 million for getting lucky with the election, then they can pay for your exit.
Absolutely, but might be better to look at a couple things first. Things like hobbies, family, friends, etc. to manage the stress. Is it actually the job or other issues? Maybe change your approach to the job. What can you charge about it. Maybe it's your manager, maybe it's the responsibilities. Sometimes work just su-ks because it's work.
I am so sick of “mental health “ , man up, grow a pair
Ok
Funny OP, was feeling the same today. Already knots in my stomach thinking about Monday. Just want to walk away. Hang in there!
Read / skim Man’s Search for Meaning. Are you doing things like meditating? What I’m wondering is if you’re doing all you can to distance yourself and insulate yourself … you are not your work environment! Don’t get me wrong… toxicity ducks @55.
You might want to take a medical leave due to stress. Your doctor can write a note for a few weeks. I don’t think it’s paid but it’ll at least give you time to reaet mentally.
It’s a terrible job market and unless you’re sitting on 12 months of savings, it’s risky to walk away with nothing lined up.
Also, have you tried dialing it in? Do the bare minimum. Don’t feel invested in the work. It’s a means to an end. A paycheck and health insurance. Try to disassociate yourself from caring about it as anything other than a paycheck.
Good luck. I know it’s a tough position to be in.