“We understand, that by putting you in a no-win situation, we have assaulted your mental heath. To make us feel better about what we have done to you, today we offer ‘Healthy Eating Tips,’ including samples of slightly overripe fruit, pointers to relevant coping strategies on our oh-so-sincere intranet, and a special offering from Virgin Mobile involving staring at a wall to calm down (charges apply, since everyone has a right to profit from your unfortunate predicament).”
Wow, do I ever feel the love on this one!