Thread regarding AT&T layoffs

AT&T CEO: A New Direction for a New Culture

DALLAS (BusinessWire) - The way AT&T CEO John Stankey sees it, most CEOs don't have the fortitude to change a company's culture over the period of two weeks.

"A lot of them think it means starting with the C-suite, things like setting a good example, acting with integrity, and winning hearts and minds," the balding, gravelly-voiced CEO boomed. "Quite frankly, we didn't have the time for that."

Instead, Stankey directed a subordinate to quickly come up with a new culture and post it to the company's internal social media site, tSpace, a reference to the once-popular but now almost barely extant site, MySpace.

"We told them something about being faster, pressing the pedal to the metal harder, things like that," said Stankey. "We had been harping on it for years but their reaction wasn't as robust as we would have liked." Indeed, the CEO and his predecessor, Randall Stephenson, have flailed at the helm, making monumental mistake after mistake. From literally creating their largest and fiercest competitor almost from whole cloth, to taking on mountains of debt to buy declining brands at shockingly high premiums, the two men have saddled the company with an almost impossible task. One that, Stankey claims, employees haven't been able to keep up with.

And a task the graying CEO doesn't take lightly.

"Not only did we transform the culture with a few posts to tSpace, but we're going to transform our business as well." Today, the company's core business is, of course, providing wired and wireless connectivity to users around the globe, a fact you could be forgiven for forgetting if you scratch your head at the more recent mega-acquisitions like DirecTV and Warner Media.

"We don't think people are associating us with communications anymore," Stankey bellowed, "and quite frankly, we may not want them to." Stankey revealed his plans to quietly outsource "future-non-core" functions such as wireless service, business connectivity, and consumer broadband to low-cost international partners, in favor of the company's new core focus: storytelling.

"Our partners at Accenture, Wipro, and Tech Mahindra are more than capable of providing basic technical services, while we focus on the future of storytelling" Stankey said in response to our questioning. "It doesn't take much of an education to plug in a cord at a house or office." In fact, through augmented technology - the kind used to train replacements for striking technicians in years past - Stankey thinks the company can be competitive with minimum or even sub-minimum wage employees by classifying them as gratuity-based. "By using a freelancing platform, we can reach out to the unemployed and underemployed, and offload some of that cost to customers who would be willing to pay extra to, say, get a prime Saturday appointment."

The future looks bright for Stankey and his C-suite cohorts at the company. He indicated during his interview that the shift to the core company business can happen even more quickly than the cultural shift achieved late in 2020.

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Post ID: @OP+18GIMKBK

25 replies (most recent on top)

OP, I tip my hat to you. Your talents are wasted at AT&T.

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Post ID: @9ozq+18GIMKBK

Lol! Ummm, Is Stanky aware He/Jason Kilar/ATT are the most hated names in Hollywood, or are they too arrogant to catch that? They can’t kiss JJ Abrams behind enough to repair the damage they’ve created! Stanky is nothing more than a star-struck fool!

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Post ID: @6oev+18GIMKBK

I think the OP has a future working for The Onion web site. Link this thread on your resume - OP!

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Post ID: @4ylk+18GIMKBK

Don’t concern yourselves with all of this nonsense and feel perplexed after reading it! Craft is hiring and growing the business, however, not sure if the positions are temp or permanent. Either way is a source of income for the time being!

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Post ID: @2vjv+18GIMKBK

“The text of this post should be copied into t space somewhere”

Yeah, you should do that....we are behind you....(wayyyyy behind you).

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Post ID: @2yyf+18GIMKBK

Absolutely brilliant! Truth is stranger than fiction for sure where att are concerned.

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Post ID: @2ooj+18GIMKBK

The text of this post should be copied into t space somewhere

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Post ID: @2sqx+18GIMKBK

meh

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Post ID: @2ipv+18GIMKBK

Is it still satire when it could entirely be true?
Post ID: @1jvh+18GIMKBK

That is the scary thing.

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Post ID: @2ncc+18GIMKBK

Is it still satire when it could entirely be true?

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Post ID: @1jvh+18GIMKBK

If I could upvote this 100 times, I would. The sad thing is as I was reading, I was in total disbelief but at the same time not surprised these words could come out of Stankeys mouth.

Thanks for the New Years laugh OP.

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Post ID: @1jgc+18GIMKBK

"things like setting a good example, acting with integrity"

don't worry stank you and rand have not even come close to accomplishing those items. so you guys nailed that one.

just goes to show what a nwo cesspool att has become and will not change.

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Post ID: @1gmx+18GIMKBK

(replying to my last comment) -
And yes, I get the OP is satire. But this sad grain of truth makes it so potent.

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Post ID: @1czz+18GIMKBK

"We don't think people are associating us with communications anymore," Stankey bellowed, "and quite frankly, we may not want them to."

^^ The perfect summary of where the company went off the rails.

For ten years, employees, investors, and experts who understand the business have been begging AT&T to increase wireless coverage, improve broadband (especially fiber) penetration, and truly become - even remain - the best in the communications business.

Had they listened to almost anyone else but the echo chamber at Akard Street, we wouldn't be in the giant, untenable mess we're in. Now they realize how badly thet effed it up and are blaming the employees for not only being in that position, but not having the capital to do what they should have done ten years ago.

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Post ID: @1tkc+18GIMKBK

Classic!

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Post ID: @1uee+18GIMKBK

OP, this was a hilarious post. When I read first time, I thought it was real - when I read the phrase “ we are in the story telling business “ I could picture stinky saying it as he said similar nonsense after TM/DTV/Twarner deals. I didn’t get the joke until I re-read.

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Post ID: @1grf+18GIMKBK

The “partners” are more than capable to provide basic service? Lost touch with reality a bit??

They are perfectly capable in collecting on their huge contracts, everything else, not so capable.

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Post ID: @1raf+18GIMKBK

The Core company business is no more. It's all thrown out the window. Gotta be content.

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Post ID: @1pee+18GIMKBK

This is all so true and so well written that I was almost at the end of the article before I realized it is satire.

"transform the culture with a few posts to tSpace" LOL

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Post ID: @1omu+18GIMKBK

This is brilliant. The perfect post to cap off 2020.

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Post ID: @1cbq+18GIMKBK

Lol ... had me for a second there ... I was like "what, this can't be real"? Sad thing is that with this company being so screwed up, you think it could be!

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Post ID: @1lyc+18GIMKBK

Storytelling. Wtf. And btw, all the jobs are gone.

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Post ID: @1yry+18GIMKBK

This is not very far removed the reality that the "leaders" at AT&T live in. Do your job, nothing more, run them out of money, it was not you that that placed AT&T into Billions of debt. Get what you can, the C-suite is getting paid no matter what.

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Post ID: @1axh+18GIMKBK

great satire.... Like literally so believable that it could not be any better.

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Post ID: @igg+18GIMKBK

genius!! :D

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Post ID: @dnt+18GIMKBK

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