Why the Most Successful Leaders Don't Care About Being Liked

Question: Are XOM Section Heads, Department Managers, Directors and V.P.'s well liked or well respected?

Successful corporations have leaders that are well respected by their employees. They do not need to be well liked.

Leaders who want (and often need) to feel liked tend to:

(1) Seek positive attention and approval
(2) Engage in gossip rather than giving direct feedback
(3) Try to please everyone
(4) Make promises they can't keep
(5) Keep strong opinions to themselves
(6) Flood people with credit, compliments and praise
(7) Play favorites (but pretend they don't)
(8) Use information as leverage, withholding or giving it away
(9) Give people tasks they enjoy rather than assignments that stretch and challenge them
(10) Focus more on how people feel (in general, and about them personally) than about achieving outcomes

Leaders who recognize the importance of being respected – with or without being liked – are more inclined to:

(1) Tell the truth, even if it's unpopular
(2) Explain their thinking behind the difficult decisions they make
(3) Acknowledge the elephant in the room, even if they can't fix it
(4) Say no when they need to
(5) Be open-minded and decisive
(6) Give credit when it's due to others and also take it when it's due themselves
(7) Tolerate feelings of disappointment, frustration, sadness and anger in themselves and others
(8) Hold people accountable for their results
(9) Be consistent and fair in setting rules and expectations
(10) Set and honor boundaries for themselves and others
(11) Deliver negative feedback directly and in a timely manner
(12) Ask for feedback regularly and then act on it
(13) Apologize when they make mistakes and then move on
(14) Model the behavior they expect from others

https://www.inc.com/deborah-grayson-riegel/why-most-successful-leaders-dont-care-about-being-liked.html?cid=sf01003

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7 replies (most recent on top)

OP, when have EM leaders done #1on your list, Tell the truth, even if it's unpopular ? If you think management is so concerned about telling the truth, why are they not even honest and truthful about where they rank their staff? I repeatedly requested more information over the last few years, and was stonewalled and never given any information beyond middle third and vague lies like it doesn’t matter. What is management afraid of? I resigned when my boss finally told me that I always ranked at the bottom of the middle third and I should be grateful I wasn’t ranked even lower. If she had been honest with me, I would’ve thanked her and resigned years ago. Instead, management keeps the staff in the dark. Zero honesty and integrity there. You can rank people wherever you want and it’s obvious you don’t value technical work, but you can at least be honest and give your staff the chance to resign.

A lengthy listing.
If it is not cut-and-pasted, OP, you should find success buzzfeeding!

According to the soft scientists:

The need for being 'liked' is not among the traits of narcissists or sadists.
The need for being 'liked' is a trait of the pathetic empathetic loser who follows the golden rule.

And the hard scientists say:
What goes around, comes around.

OP, The answer to your question: Are XOM Section Heads, Department Managers, Directors and V.P.'s well liked or well respected? is Neither. Arrogance, incompetence, sycophancy and a willingness to spout lies and bully others deserve neither. They are lucky they have EM to employ them, because they have no other talent and no normal company would want them.

This is funny in the sense that it’s okay for leaders not to be well like but it’s required for regular employees to be liked?
Typical

Good stuff, and good reminder. I tend to do some stuff on the top list and need to stop. Thanks for sharing.

weiner

Sometimes one, sometimes both, sometimes neither.

Thread regarding ExxonMobil Corp. layoffs

Why the Most Successful Leaders Don't Care About Being Liked

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