Dallas Business Wire 4/1- AT&T Chairman John Stankey announced today that AT&T has acquired the Royal Typewriter Company for 5 Billion dollars in an all cash transaction. Stankey said this aligns nicely with past strategic investments of older technology video and media company assets such as the DTV and Warner Media acquisitions over the last 5 years. He also mentioned that for a billion dollars more than we paid T-Mobile in fees we actually get some assets this time around. The plans are to run the Royal Typewriter Company as a separate entity with Ex-Ceo Randall Stephenson working Mondays, Ex CFO John Stephens working Tuesdays and possibly bringing the Ex, Ex CEO Edward Whitacre back for Wednesday's as they are only allowed to work 8 hours a week per their recent consulting contracts. Thursday's and Friday Senior Management Team is still TBD. The Royal Typewriter Company was founded in 1904 & at one time was the world's leading typewriter company. All manufacturing of the current product is conducted in China which is fine with AT&T as Stankey claimed "we can pay them far less in Salary, Benefits and all the other perks that American workers think they deserve such as sick pay and vacation. Several analysts were speechless when reached for comment.
21 replies (most recent on top)
John Stinky said : “This is a great play and 1+1= 3”
Freakin stupid
freakin brilliant
John Stankey must have said to their management after buying them: "Quit pushing back on me. I know more about typewriters than any of you."
Yay! Another step to improve the company.
Hilarious! Glad to see some funny sarcastic humor to brighten things up a bit.
Yes this parody. What is not parody is the company is terminating long understood and promised benifits for non bargained employees. The same employees that are expected to cover for strike duty for the employees that see this coming in the next contract.
Per Wikipedia: "In September 2004, Royal became a private American company again." Also: "As of 2019, Royal is still introducing new typewriters under the Royal brand name."
During the Y2K madness the Accounts Payable department was afraid of the computer systems failing. They acquired typewriters in the event that did happen so they could type checks and send them to the company's vendors so as not to be delinquent. Never had to do that.
‘This is for real.....’. Yeah, you and Goober heard on your transistor Admiral radio while on your way to the Wiggly Wiggly to pick up some t-b-cco snuff. Hee Haw
Yawn
This is for real. I heard it myself live on our other newest tech acquisition the Cobra CB radio company.
Yay! More acquisition, more revenues, more profits, more jobs. Keep the AT&T love coming.
In a way, they have a Royal typewriter business, and that is 20th century landline and copper plant that they have yet to jettison. It is those businesses in particular why AT&T is not deemed a "growth" stock.
Yes, I heard next up is Blockbuster
LOL!!!! reflects the poor decision making and lack of foresight by T's management and wouldn't put a deal like this past them
What a lamea$$ unfunny post
Cringe
Yep. It’s an old parody... ‘joke’...that’s been repeated over and over and over....sigh.
Tedious, monotonous, boring and definitely not funny. Find some new material; these comments are just well sad and pathetic. Consider your performance boo worthy.
LOL
Is this a sick joke?