three, four, HR won't even show you the door (bc you are WfH)
five, six, too many problems to fix
seven, eight, don't try to contemplate
nine, ten, shipping your job to India again...
157 replies (most recent on top)
You want a raise badly?
You won’t get one sadly
You will though continue to stress
This place is a mess
https://discoverpoetry.com/poems/poems-about-failure/
Since all this nonsense has been posted heres a nice poem about the company -
BNYM is a nice place to work
We get good benefits and many a perk
I know here my career can grow
So stop complaining with tales of woe
Posting poetry is my job
Have a nice evening, love Bob
Enough with the poetry - devote your energy to doing your job.
Robert Louis Stevenson or Maya Angelou would be proud. Alexander Hamilton, not so much.
Since I'm sitting here wasting my Sunday afternoon doing production support I thought I'd summarize the past 5 months of poetry fun!!!
Thomas Renyi was a real pinchpenny
Bob Kelly gave me a bad feeling in my belly
Charlie Scharf made me ba-f
Todd Gibbons shredded my career into ribbons.
There was someone named Bridget
Couldn't manage a system or a digit
Then there was someone named Hood
Who really wasn't very good
Finally there's my friend named Mario
Please let me go so I can say cheerio.
Elon Musk has SpaceX and Tesla
Companies doing many great things
I wish my life was one big fiesta
But life at BNYM only misery brings
Peakon Me, Peakon You
Peakon all... the whole day through
Give the answers that are expected
Unless lobbying to be ejected
I'm sad I wasn't one of the layoffs
Just as the Mets didn't make the playoffs
Jets and Giants are both 0 and 3
Losers just like BNYM I guarantee
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
BNYM isn’t
It's really not a personnel downsize
Or a euphemistically labelled right-size
It's just cost cutting in disguise
The only plan management can devise
PSS CDW and GSP
Won't you please say a prayer for me
Bad leadership starting from the top
Most of are projects have been a major flop
All this nonsense about anti-vax
Those are just the undeniable facts
This place is bad enough
I'm just saying this off the cuff
I was a manager, then one day
I got bumped down in title with a lower pay
Then my job went overseas
Based on upper management silly decrees
Todd and Hood were from the planet Venus
Both had a very small …
I was rated below expectations
Farewell and salutations
I was let go last Monday
For me that was a fun day
Severance and permanent vacations !
I only got a 1% raise
I walk around all day in a daze
Worthless meetings, surveys and such
It’s just getting much too much
Diversity, Equity, Inclusion
All a forgone HR conclusion
We should interview blind
Always keeping in mind
Skin deep hiring is only delusion
When working from home, TV watching is a skill
A good movie also fits the bill
The only I'm really interested in
Is a paycheck in my inbox bin
Smell the roses
Smell my feet
Smell the restroom on 15
Leaders will carefully tread
As COVID covertly will spread
They can rake in the millions
By displacing the minions
But losing our experts they dread
I wasted my career at BNY
Wal mart next I’ll give it a try
Backstabbing here has been the rule
Bridget and Hood can go jump in the pool
I don't want to go back in person
My health no doubt can only worsen
SUB or severance, it's all the same
I can't wait to leave this place so lame
In asset servicing there's this guy named Hood
After what we've seen he can't be good
Taking direction from someone named Bridget
All she can do is spin her fidget
Today I ride on a Ferris wheel
It really was no big deal
Roller coasters are really my thing
Sort of like life at bny Mellon as I dance and sing
I was let go recently and having lunch now in the diner
Really, nothing in life could be finer
Anyway after 15 years of backstabbing I was very tired
From the toxic environment in which I was mired.
I won't go back to the office
The smelly men's room makes me nauseous
Time to think it is time to resign
Take this bank and stick it where the sun don't shine.
Thanks BNYM for wrecking my career
I’m working at Walmart now as a cashier
Now I make 10 dollars an hour
While Todd and his cohorts greedily remain in power
I never liked Bank of New York
In banking circles it was the ultimate dork
Mellon came along with Scharf and Kelly
I've had a rotten feeling in my belly
What's the point of quitting now?
I'm going to get axed anyhow
I want to get the package called SUB
And spend my future days at the pub
My job may have moved to China
Or at least to North Carolina
Most likely though it will go to India
I've even heard it might go to Libya
I hope to be headed for the exit
For reasons other than brexit
A toxic environment this place is
Managers certainly don’t know the biz
I am a developer in asset tech
This place has made me a horrible wreck
Our managers often backstab
They should instead be driving a cab
I can't wait for that severance check
I think I’ll open a hot dog stand
With the severance package in my hand
I’ll put in plenty of ketchup
With the old 401k retirement matchup
Tech managers are ugly and fat
The only people who like then are their cat
They can’t manage themselves out of a box
Let them stay at home and wash their sox
To India they moved my job
To someone who wasn't named Bob
They did that to save money
Now I’m home all day with my honey
I used to code on the mainframe
Which had gotten kind of lame
Now the retirement door surely knocks
All I do all day is count my socks
Every year we enter our goals
And assorted debris
For whom the bell tolls
It tolls for thee.
There once was a ceo named Charlie
Who was followed by a man named Toddy
They both made a mess
And caused much stress
At 101 I won’t use the potty
BNY Mellon is a company of many a burnout
Failed projects in technology is what we churn out
My recent raise was a percent of one
Please lay me off so I can be done!
BNY Mellon is an old bank
Like old fish its reputation stank
Lay me off and give me the axe
So I can stay home forever and play my sax
The once was a company from Venus
Whose management was full of stupidity and meanness
The placed burned us out
With surely no doubt
Laid off from the company from Venus
Management hear is very deceitful
In India they have to do the needful
Consultants here get a big payoff
And me as an employee are subject to layoff
Pass the curry,
I'm in a hurry,
The CEO is not Janet Yellon,
It's Todd from Bank of New York Mellon
Maybe this place isn't very good at banking but at least can provide poetry services to our clients.
A poem about CIOs
There was someone named Bridget
Couldn't manage a system or a digit
Then there was someone named Hood
Who really wasn't very good
Finally there's my friend named Mario
Please let me go so I can say cheerio.
A poem about CEOs
Thomas Renyi was a real pinchpenny
Bob Kelly gave me a bad feeling in my belly
Charlie Scharf made me ba-f
Todd Gibbons shredded my career into ribbons.
Elon Musk has SpaceX and Tesla
Companies doing many great things
I wish my life was one big fiesta
But life at BNYM only misery brings
Well well well… so won’t you know it
This darned bank is filled with poets!
I won’t lie and this ain’t no crime
In lieu of work I wrote this rhyme.
Peakon Me, Peakon You
Peakon all... the whole day through
Give the answers that are expected
Unless lobbying to be ejected
I'm sad I wasn't one of the layoffs
Just as the Mets didn't make the playoffs
Jets and Giants are both 0 and 3
Losers just like BNYM I guarantee
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
BNYM isn’t
It's really not a personnel downsize
Or a euphemistically labelled right-size
It's just cost cutting in disguise
The only plan management can devise
PSS CDW and GSP
Won't you please say a prayer for me
Bad leadership starting from the top
Most of are projects have been a major flop
All this nonsense about anti-vax
Those are just the undeniable facts
This place is bad enough
I'm just saying this off the cuff
Anyone interested in starting a poetry ERG? Some talented people here.
We will be diverse
In the elevator we will rehearse
We will perform during townhalls awaiting BNY's ultimate downfall
I was a manager, then one day
I got bumped down in title with a lower pay
Then my job went overseas
Based on upper management silly decrees
Todd and Hood were from the planet Venus
Both had a very small …..
As soon as Wolf began to feel
That he would like a decent meal,
He went and knocked on Grandma's door.
When Grandma opened it, she saw
The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,
And Wolfie said, 'May I come in?'
Poor Grandmamma was terrified,
'He's going to eat me up!' she cried.
And she was absolutely right.
He ate her up in one big bite.
But Grandmamma was small and tough,
And Wolfie wailed, 'That's not enough!
I haven't yet begun to feel
That I have had a decent meal!'
He ran around the kitchen yelping,
'I've got to have a second helping!'
Then added with a frightful leer,
'I'm therefore going to wait right here
Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood
Comes home from walking in the wood.'
He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,
(Of course he hadn't eaten those).
He dressed himself in coat and hat.
He put on shoes, and after that,
He even brushed and curled his hair,
Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.
In came the little girl in red.
She stopped. She stared. And then she said,
'What great big ears you have, Grandma.'
'All the better to hear you with,'
the Wolf replied.
'What great big eyes you have, Grandma.'
said Little Red Riding Hood.
'All the better to see you with,'
the Wolf replied.
He sat there watching her and smiled.
He thought, I'm going to eat this child.
Compared with her old Grandmamma,
She's going to taste like caviar.
Then Little Red Riding Hood said, '
But Grandma, what a lovely great big
furry coat you have on.'
'That's wrong!' cried Wolf.
'Have you forgot
To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?
Ah well, no matter what you say,
I'm going to eat you anyway.'
The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.
She whips a pi---l from her knickers.
She aims it at the creature's head,
And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.
A few weeks later, in the wood,
I came across Miss Riding Hood.
But what a change! No cloak of red,
No silly hood upon her head.
She said, 'Hello, and do please note
My lovely furry wolfskin coat.'
touché…
way to move the masses before they
script their jobs for Chennai
I was rated below expectations
Farewell and salutations
I was let go last Monday
For me that was a fun day
Severance and permanent vacations !
I only got a 1% raise
I walk around all day in a daze
Worthless meetings, surveys and such
It’s just getting much too much
Diversity, Equity, Inclusion
All a forgone HR conclusion
We should interview blind
Always keeping in mind
Skin deep hiring is only delusion
Options…
why must you inspire our leader
to toss us all to the curb?
I think this thread has run its course
BNY Mellon stinks like a horse
Please stop bumping it
Layoffs will happen bit by bit
I think this thread has run its course. Please stop bumping it.
2 4 6 8
Who do we appreciate?
Mellon, Mellon, yay, Mellon
Management a bunch of felons
When working from home, TV watching is a skill
A good movie also fits the bill
The only I'm really interested in
Is a paycheck in my inbox bin
Smell the roses
Smell my feet
Smell the restroom on 15
Leaders will carefully tread
As COVID covertly will spread
They can rake in the millions
By displacing the minions
But losing our experts they dread
I wasted my career at BNY
Wal mart next I’ll give it a try
Backstabbing here has been the rule
Bridget and Hood can go jump in the pool
I wasted my career at BNY
Wal mart next I’ll give it a try
Backstabbing here has been the rule
Bridget and Hood can go jump in the pool
Your WFH wishes have failed
Those days have long ago sailed
It's fast coming, that special day
When we can meet at the elevator bay
Jump in a car, subway or bus
Come into the office, you must
The EC team has such grand plans
Free sanitizer for your hands
We've exercised lots of due care
So you can collaborate there and here and everywhere
Everything is extra clean
We washed away the Covid-19
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Let's hope for me and you
This is just a case of flu
It took some b_lls to lie in the town hall.
Throw us a bone and let us work from home.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
No more WFH
For any of you
Wrote you this poem
About work from home
My plan is underway and to your dismay
You will return to the office without delay
I want to hear keyboards clacking
Locate you with aruba tracking
Enjoy being crowded in like sardines
and remember to get the vaccine
Love, Todd and the EC team