Thread regarding Bank of New York Mellon Corp. layoffs

any new material folks?

I don't want to go back in person
My health no doubt can only worsen
SUB or severance, it's all the same
I can't wait to leave this place so lame

In asset servicing there's this guy named Hood
After what we've seen he can't be good
Taking direction from someone named Bridget
All she can do is spin her fidget

Today I ride on a Ferris wheel
It really was no big deal
Roller coasters are really my thing
Sort of like life at bny Mellon as I dance and sing

I was let go recently and having lunch now in the diner
Really, nothing in life could be finer
Anyway after 15 years of backstabbing I was very tired
From the toxic environment in which I was mired.

Working for BNY Mellon,where the managers have the morals of felons, is like being in prison.
When your number is up, Mellon's the place you won't be missing.

I won't go back to the office
The smelly men's room makes me nauseous
Time to think it is time to resign
Take this bank and stick it where the sun don't shine.

I'll rhyme it a little better

Thanks BNYM for wrecking my career
I’m working at Walmart now as a cashier
Now I make 10 dollars an hour
While Todd and his cohorts greedily remain in power

Thanks BNYM for wrecking my career
I’m working at Walmart now as a cashier
Now I make 10 dollars an hour
While you’ll get your bonus Todd I’m getting poorer by the hour

I'll reword it a little -

I never liked Bank of New York
In banking circles it was the ultimate dork
Mellon came along with Scharf and Kelly
I've had a rotten feeling in my belly

I never like Bank of New York
In banking circles it was the ultimate dork
Mellon came along with Kelly and Scharf
Now all I want to do is ba-f

What's the point of quitting now?
I'm going to get axed anyhow
I want to get the package called SUB
And spend my future days at the pub

My job may have moved to China
Or at least to North Carolina
Most likely though it will go to India
I've even heard it might go to Libya

I hope to be headed for the exit
For reasons other than brexit
A toxic environment this place is
Managers certainly don’t know the biz

Here's my contribution -

I am a developer in asset tech
This place has made me a horrible wreck
Our managers often backstab
They should instead be driving a cab
I can't wait for that severance check

I think I’ll open a hot dog stand
With the severance package in my hand
I’ll put in plenty of ketchup
With the old 401k retirement matchup

Also from yogi : when u see a severance package in the road, take it

My WFH advice ... “I usually take a two hour nap from one to four.” ... Yogi Berra

Tech managers are ugly and fat
The only people who like then are their cat
They can’t manage themselves out of a box
Let them stay at home and wash their sox

Tis the time of year for merit

Up from my desk, I dashed in a hurry , excited to see
Just how much last years hard work earned me

As the frown hit my brow & a tear on my eye began to glisten
I heard my manager tell me to listen

Things could be worse, don't you see
I could have given you the B E

Dont you worry, there's always next year
I turned and mumbled, I hope I'm not still here

ok here's my attempt to join in the fun:

To India they moved my job
To someone who wasn't named Bob
They did that to save money
Now I’m home all day with my honey

I used to code on the mainframe
Which had gotten kind of lame
Now the retirement door surely knocks
All I do all day is count my socks

Every year we enter our goals
And assorted debris
For whom the bell tolls
It tolls for thee.

• --- John Donne

There once was a ceo named Charlie
Who was followed by a man named Toddy
They both made a mess
And caused much stress
At 101 I won’t use the potty

When I was a kid I loved banks,
For they gave lollipops as a thanks.
But now as a grown man,
I do all that I can,
To avoid them like shark tanks.
— Tom Whittaker

"I refuse to work for any bank that would have me as an employee" - Groucho Marx

BNY Mellon is a company of many a burnout
Failed projects in technology is what we churn out
My recent raise was a percent of one
Please lay me off so I can be done!

Well at least we know this place is good at poetry. Banking, not so much.

Come on everyone, join in, how about some of that BNYM creativity! :::

BNY Mellon is an old bank
Like old fish its reputation stank
Lay me off and give me the axe
So I can stay home forever and play my sax

The once was a company from Venus
Whose management was full of stupidity and meanness
The placed burned us out
With surely no doubt
Laid off from the company from Venus

Roses are red
Violets are odd
Into retirement I was led
Thank you Todd

Management hear is very deceitful
In India they have to do the needful
Consultants here get a big payoff
And me as an employee are subject to layoff

When from home I work
You've got to see
My boss the jerk
I love my TV

WFC HR head recently left, I wonder who Chainsaw Charlie will tap to replace???

Working From Home
© Phil J. Johnson

Published: June 2017

The grass needs cutting,
I must mend the gate.
I'm expecting a parcel,
I hope it's not late.
I must get a wash on.
There's the ironing too.
The gas bill needs paying.
There's so much to do.
I must send that email.
I can't really moan,
This is the life,
When you're working from home.

I'm due a long lie in
I must feed the cat.
There's the dishes to do,
I'll get round to that.
I'll de-frost the freezer
If I've got time,
But I'm watching the cricket.
Sky Sports is just fine!
I'll look at that spreadsheet,
Use my mobile phone,
So everyone knows
That I'm working from home.

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/working-from-home

Eleven, twelve that's how old I guess you are based on your subpar nursery rhyme.

Pass the curry,
I'm in a hurry,
The CEO is not Janet Yellon,
It's Todd from Bank of New York Mellon

That was good, made me laugh