We are now just mere weeks away from becoming the NEW DirecTV and the Suits are email bo----g us with heartfelt hopes of wonderment and excitement as we are once again going to rise from the ashes of AT&T and return to the glory days of the 2000's.
Everybody is going to want us, to love us and to sign up for 200 bucks a month for 1000 infomercial channels and silly reality shows. JUST LIKE before! iT WILL BE GREAT - IT WILL BE LIKE YOU'RE BACK IN hIGH sCHOOL AND JUST SCORED YOUR FIRST FEEL!
Silly rabbits.
The reality is that my customers are three simple types - 80 year old widows or widowers gloming all day on Fox news waiting for the end of the white race, Hispanic women wanting to watch their telenovelas that they missed because they got kicked of Dish Latino for too many non-payments.
The third group are the handful of remaining customers who are younger than the age of dirt.
I speak of the divorced 40 something fat guy hooked on NFL Sunday Ticket.
In other words, the only person under the age of sixty who hasn't figured out how to stream the games for free from pirate websites.
So I wonder, how does my NEW DirecTV leadership think we can regain our former glory with a dwindling customer base of tech illiterate jock sniffing fat guys, little old ladies waiting for the end of civilization and people who can't yet speak the language?
I have a front row seat and cannot wait for the magic to appear.