Thread regarding Intel Corp. layoffs

The following 10 steps will help Intel improve margins and become an S tier company again:

1. Perpetual layoffs - nobody is ever safe. Fear will drive results. 7k employees are to be laid off every month, offset by onboarding 20k employees each quarter (make sure to brag loudly about it in all company meetings.) The metrics for determining who gets laid off changes constantly - sometimes it’s performance based, sometimes it’s a skills assessment, sometimes we just fire the 7k most expensive employees, sometimes the 7k newest, sometimes we force entire BUs to host Squid-games-Esque competitions where only a single winner in that BU keeps their job (then we rehire the whole team as part of the 20k new hires for that quarter.) Send a weekly email to all employees with all of the laid-off employees names. This is how we foster a culture of transparency.

2. Tie an OKR to PowerPoints. Your grade level determines how many PowerPoints you must produce each week. Grade 5? 5 ppts a week. Grade 11? 11 ppts a week.

3. Tie an OKR to tripling the number of committees and task forces each employee is on. This is how we embody collaboration.

4. All employees must now have two 1:1s per week with their manager(s), one 1:1 per week with each of their peers, and a 1:1 every week with their mom.

5. Fire everyone in TD, and double the headcount in HR and Sales. We don’t need TD engineers if we have enough sales people to shill our existing products, and we need to extra HR staff to manage step 1.

6. New management structure. Only 2 direct reports per manager, and everyone is a manager. Make the organization as tall as possible, with as many layers of management as possible, but also a matrix. Each employee should have a minimum of two managers and report to 4 others on a dotted line basis, and also manage two employees and supervise 4 on a dotted line basis. This is how we ensure responsibility.

7. Engineers must clear every decision with Finance, even the most mundane day-to-day decisions. Probably easier to assign a finance person to each engineer and have them follow the engineer around the fab all day. This is how we manage costs.

8. Employees will now pay Intel for poor performance; paychecks can now be deducted for the QPB if the QPB calculation ends up being negative.

9. More DEI - like, a lot more.

10. Get rid of Microsoft Outlook to save money. Employees will now send messages around the fab on paper slips stuck between wafers in FOUPs. AMHS will be installed in every office space to accommodate.