A secret document was recently found on an employee's laptop during an RTO visit at an undisclosed office location.
WARNING: This model includes highly sensitive, tried and proven strategic consulting techniques, which should be very familiar to most current observers on this site.
Template for Consulting Engagement (see below)
Engagement Goal: Increase the short-term profit of the subject company (insert company logo).
Engagement Steps:
• Brief decision makers on Consulting firm's success and record of increasing company profitability.
• Emphasize that all consultants are smarter and better credentialed than anyone in the company so there can be no doubt that all recommendations are valid and should not be doubted or questioned. (Show list of MBA institutions and SAT scores)
• Explain that while this will cost a huge amount, it will easily be recovered by the increase in profit (show graph). (Most of the consultants will be billing 37 hour workdays each day of the 8-day week)
• Interview all key employees and ask probing, insightful questions while looking interested and empathetic.
• Dispose of all interview notes. Have a good chuckle over expensed lunches and dinners with colleagues.
• 45% of employees will be found redundant and disposed of. The salaries of 30% of them will be used to pay for the engagement. The salaries of 15% will be shown as increased profit!
• 50% of jobs will be outsourced overseas. This will be the remains of the cost of doing business - more profit!
• The 5% of remaining workers will train the overseas employees and “front” the company to English-speaking clients for a limited time before being deemed overqualified for their enhanced lower-salary position.
• Have a big party with the new CEO and the new staff to celebrate the “success” of the engagement.