It never ceases to amaze me how much unchecked bitterness seeps out of the East Coast. Jealousy, entitlement, and delusion—truly a trifecta. It's bad enough Des Moines had to clean up the mess left behind by the Wachovia refugees, but now we’ve got to listen to their condescending whines too? Bless your heart.
Yeah, some of us are chubby—Midwest food is good, and we’re not ashamed to enjoy life. Dad bods are in, and unlike your personality, they’re actually warm and comforting. You mock what you can’t understand, and you hate what you secretly wish you had: a community that knows how to smile without needing to impress anyone and a father figure in your life.
Next time you feel the urge to take a cheap shot at a place you clearly don’t belong, consider therapy instead. Des Moines isn’t miserable—you are. We’re just too polite to say it first.