- As a cost-cutting measure, I kicked 2 of the kids (girls) out of the house. Someone reported me to CPS, so I made a generous contribution to Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.
- Legally adopted a fully grown man from India. (Needed cheap help around the house and got the Adoption Tax Credit)
- Took the kids out of their sports leagues to save money. (I have never been a fan of “teams”. ) That decision was exhausting, so I went to the Country Club to play a couple games of tennis with friends.
- Bobby Jr. whines about how hard it is to do his homework on his IBM PC with dial- up internet. I told him to su-k it up or he will be heading to wherever his sisters are.
- I, literally, threw the baby out with the bath water.
- The wife complains constantly about her 1992 Ford Probe. I try to reason with her “Honey, I cannot afford to buy you a newer car and pay for my 2023 Audi R8!” (Women never have gotten the concept of budgeting.)
- I like to put on an older pair of Ralph Lauren chinos and take advantage of the free food down at the Foodbank. (It’s okay - everyone is doing it!)
- Truth be told: I got caught taking free food from the Foodbank when I don’t need to. People got all judgy, so I made a charitable contribution to Feed the Hungry. I humble-bragged about my contribution in an Ethics Workshop. (I will go back to taking free food after a little time passes😉.)
- I changed the kids allowance from once a month to once per year. They must hop on one foot all day on 12/15 in order to receive their yearly allowance.
- Little Johnny was caught shoplifting. (I have always encouraged him to not get caught.) A neighbor got snarky with me, saying “Don’t you know that a fish rots from the head down?” I was confused by that because I don’t own any fish.
- I told the family they will have to buckle down in 2024 to compensate for my ongoing legal defense against accusations of cheating, neglect, robbing a bank yada yada yada.
- Put a new $250,000 sunroom on the back of the house. Told Uncle Sam it is being used exclusively for my wife’s “home business” (wink-wink). Can you say TAX DEDUCTIONS??
- I sell cheap jewelry for a living. The jewelry wasn’t selling as much as I hoped, so I made a splash about buying back most of my own jewelry to create the Illusion of demand. (That is what they call *Marketing”.) It hasn’t worked, but I’m going to do the same thing next year.
15 replies (most recent on top)
OP: find something better to do with your time
"A neighbor got snarky with me, saying “Don’t you know that a fish rots from the head down?” I was confused by that because I don’t own any fish."
TRUE!!!!
This must be the same OP as the guy who did the post about answering his boss like Charlie from a few days ago, so scroll back if you didn't see it. That was a laugh-out-loud funny post. I am fan-girling, but I like this guy.
how has not one person downvoted this drivel? sounds just like the ‘i answered my boss like charlie’ du----s from a few days ago
OP how many of these comments did you write yourself lol. Be less obvious.
Charlie and Tali are too busy trying to down vote the comments. Too funny.
Nicely done…epic post…very creative and captured the essence of knee jerk mismanagement and the results that ensue from these asinine decisions.
Well, I bet your bottom line looks better. Ha
Best post ever!!!!
Love this hilarious 😂
probably the best post this place has ever seen
A hoot!
THIS has made my day!
Excellent! Hope Casper sees this. He won't care, except that he'll bristle at being read so well.
Beautiful!!!!!