As I find myself dwindling down to my last few weeks at this 800 pound green gorilla, I feel like I should leave a playbook for my predecessors. First of all none of you will ever be as good as the Coach so just get that out of your head! Now that being said, there are a few secrets to securing an executive position even if you have a low IQ and big Kahonies like me. The first thing you have to do is figure out where the big wheels like to drink and party, then worm your way into an invite. Have everyone order nice juicy steaks and stir up some laughs to increase the chance of one of them choking on a piece of said steak. Then all you gotta do is jump up like super man without his cape, give the choker the old hiney lick maneuver, save is life and you are in forever! You will be given your dream job, a huge salary and bonus, unlimited expense account with all the fancy bottles of wine you can bare. You can date all the admins you want, say the absolute d-mbest things on every call and in every meeting, work whatever hours you want, and no one will say a word. You will be untouchable. Oh and if you play your cards right, you will get a high paid “marketing director” who will actually just be your personal assistant and take care of the most complicating tasks for you like unlocking your office door, turning your computer on, and making your lunch reservations for you. Let’s not forget all the international trips you will get to take in business class seeing beautiful countries and spreading your vast expertise to employees all over the globe. It has been a fun ride for me, but I’ve run out of excuses to keep bleeding the company dry. It’s time for Captain Coach to cruise off into the sunset. I know there will never be another me, but good luck!
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The Coach was a great of example of an executive who brought little to the table living off of the backs of his sales and operations folks. Never mind that while those individuals contributed most to the success of the business unit, they rarely got a promotions and were passed over by "marketing" reps who were at his beckon call.
Coach worked in Tuboscope
He’s out! Watch your back!
Amazing. The Coach hasn’t been in the office for weeks. No one has picked up his workload. The business isn’t affected at all. Why does this company keep creating all of these VP roles that bring no contribution to our business at all?
Been trying to work out who the ‘coach’ is!
The trouble is it could be a number of people at NOV, I would suggest either LY EL or D** D** as they were both dim and lacking in common sense , all reasons they could be in these positions
He once overdosed on stupid pills but it increased his cognitive Capacity… scary.
Don’t forget all the d-mb ho-s of Coaches that wormed their ways into international trips. Need something done the d-mb hoe in charge is out of the country and can’t return emails.
Who's coach
Coach ain’t leavin this gravy train.