I have a huge sebaceous cyst on my back. It's full of really foul smelling pus.
I'm going to ask a female coworker if she'll hold her breath for several seconds while squeezing the pus out of it.
She'll have to do that probably once a week. If she's fast enough, she can do it on the elevator if no one else is on. At some point I'll probably just ask her to sleep with me.
On an unrelated note, something funny happened years ago. I wouldn't/couldn't change lanes, so a woman in the next lane had to exit early because she couldn't get out of the exit-only labs. She gave me the finger as she exited. It was so funny.