Thread regarding Wells Fargo & Co. layoffs

New Service Now Requirements

Due to recent facilities leadership team directives please read the changes effective immediately.

Standard and Incident $hits are no longer acceptable and you will turned away at the entrance.

  • All AUs must create their $hitNow request for restrooms no less than 1 hour in advance
  • Add CHG # using keyboard on stall door !!

*** 1 knock every 15 seconds is permitted if not certain of occupancy, additional knocks will be marked with a Too Urgent Request Discrepancy finding.

BUTUM Analysis forms -
Bathroom Utilization Tissue Usage Measurement plan must be submitted, (do not delete any questions)

*** please watch for FARTS -
Future Access Rectal Timing System notification emails

Future An-l Rectal Transmission Survey forms must be attached within 7 days

*** also be sure to follow CR-P adherence - Colon Reluctance Assessment Protocol

*** Excess Tissue Measurements will be out of compliance and will require remediation within 5 days

Justification must not include NA

Rollback / Backout plans - don’t even go there

CTASK -

Sh-t Done in Lavatory Compliance -pre-$hit JIRA fix links must be added to the $hit testing tab

Menu/Receipt and or photo evidence must be attached as proof of last meal ingested before approval is granted

The following high risk foods will require CIO level approval-

Golden Corral
Any Indian / Mexican
Burger King / Wendy’s / McDonald’s

All pre-sh-t and post beer consumption CHGs may be rejected and you will need to add an Alternate New Availability Locator request at least 500 feet from the closest restroom to your cube

In the event post activity, the Stall Odor Detection Observation Meter registers a 10 or above, SDLC team will mark said CHG out of compliance and will seek further dietary evaluation and escalation.

Pre sh-t farts louder than 71 decibels will trigger an out of compliance alert automatically and CHG will be noted as successful with issues even with complete bowel drainage

Close Notes

You must close said seat in said stall and note stall number in close tab within 15 minutes.

Stall Cleanliness After Toilet usage ratings lower than a 5 will require Develop U (Non Graded) completion of the Post Occupation of Toilet Training Yearly or u can skip and attempt a Potty Occupation Onboarding Proficiency exam.

*** Financial Excretion & Colonic Analysis Lessons are highly encouraged in Develop U

*** Rear Evaluation Compliance Team Assessment Learning is now required

** Hershey Highway defects must be noted in JIRA as undergarment change or change will be revoked.

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| 1581 views | | 15 replies (last ) | Reply
Post ID: @OP+1uQbkYHw

15 replies (most recent on top)

Well done OP, shining this TERD of a 'system' gets us nowhere... just all out wasteful junk.

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Post ID: @2mmo+1uQbkYHw

Just wait until they get the Service Now AI predictive agents. Wonder what they will predict?

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Post ID: @2exl+1uQbkYHw

Well stated, this Service Now platform stinks like $hit

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Post ID: @1djs+1uQbkYHw

OP nailed it, but forgot the old

Proctologist Proximity Platform.

Points out very well that this system in place is a heaping tu-d.

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Post ID: @svb+1uQbkYHw

Laughed out loud at this. Trying to figure out which bucket I go into

Looks like the negative commenters are butt- hurt service now drones or audit wu-sies

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Post ID: @lhc+1uQbkYHw

Thanks for sharing

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Post ID: @dqy+1uQbkYHw

The banks is constantly trying to Service Now it’s way out of everything with this $hit tool

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Post ID: @wlk+1uQbkYHw

Looks like the negative commenters are butt- hurt service now drones or audit wu-sies.

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Post ID: @zcq+1uQbkYHw

This stuff isn't provocative or funny, just painfully lame.

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Post ID: @pvo+1uQbkYHw

The Change Request "process" is the biggest sh--e show I have ever seen in corp America.
They don't actually ever improve on anything. They just throw more and more requirements on top of the already mo--nic "process."
How anything ever gets approved and deployed is a miracle.

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Post ID: @cxo+1uQbkYHw

You need a service now request for a psychiatrist

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Post ID: @dix+1uQbkYHw

What if I want a pecan pie!

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Post ID: @fiu+1uQbkYHw

Obviously someone needs service now training

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Post ID: @hnn+1uQbkYHw

Holy sh-t. I honestly do not know what to say in response to this. My brain cannot regress back to grade school to think this is remotely funny.

Op,
I think you need to take a sabbatical from yourself.

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Post ID: @mub+1uQbkYHw

Ha hahahaa

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Post ID: @fsw+1uQbkYHw

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