LR and addictions...
Guessing others in similar boat, so posting. Helps me also to share. I was a highly-functional alcoholic and survived at Cisco on a series of anti-anxiety medications; for a long, long, time (nearly a decade). I am actually very good at presenting (or so I have been told), but am even better when I dialed the combination in with a mixture of whisk-y, coffee; and for the big presentations, an extra Xanax above the normal daily anti-anxiety co-----l. This was all ingested incognito, no one suspected anything all those years. Guessing a few can relate. Presenting remotely was particularly a blessing. I did the above for a long time, not every presentation or group meeting, but many; (dozens). Especially for big presentations, I would go over the slides on my own, for hours, and read them out loud. Very nervous but was good at it. After I left with LR (no not due to the drink and meds), and got counseling, I realized how messed up I was, and am now completely clean.
Why am I writing this? Writing is part of the cure. I am guessing, others stressed out with the LR cycle also many do similar daily coping techniques, especially right now with yet another LR cycle, with relying heavy on alcohol and medication just to get through difficult days. I was highly functional and articulate on my regiment; and was lying to myself and my family, on how much I was really struggling.
In the end, the LR was the best thing that happened to me to help get clean. The irony is no one really saw a problem, as I was functional. I have told a select few after the fact; that is also part of the addiction journey. When the stress was gone with leaving, the behavior changed for good. Very tough. I do believe it is genetic, as I still crave drinking, but at least now I can at the very least be away from an environment that is not the most healthy for someone with similar tendencies.
If this resonates, you are not alone.