To Anonymous137668:
I shall utilize your method of exaggeration and elaboration, which shall lead me to a path of success and growth, whilst stabilizing my employment opportunities thusly. All whilst striving not to get a paper cut. 😊
8 replies (most recent on top)
This is funny, funny, funny. "Another pro tip: use the word safe the same way smurfs use "smurf". Example: I safing safe safety! Safety is the safely safiest". And I love the grammar and spelling police. I would think I am in an English class not a layoff board.
— Anonymous137800 yes so we are all pulling in the same direction. — Anonymous137668 I needed you! You should consult at $2,00 a pop! And physical size is a true advantage is Chevron! Sad to say but it's a bully culture we created here. I wish I was 6'4" 250 pounds.
Acronyn for PMP = Poorly Managed Process. Please add that one to the CHAOS database.
I think Anonymous137668 has it figured out. I'm going to do that. :)
The company lost sight of the purpose for the PMP. Perhaps they never cared. A simple explanation of how it should work is to first view the organization's Org Chart. Start at the top box (President). The top box has the President's name and the purpose of the position (call it a mission statement) and a minimum of 4 principal functions or responsibilities that tie that job position to the Chevron enterprise. The boxes below the President follow the same rules along with its own mission statement and minimum of 4 principal functions or responsibilities that tie it to the President. As the Og Chart branches down to the subordinate positions (managers, supervisors, rank and file employees, etc), each box has an employee's name, mission statement and principal functions that must mesh with the requirements of the superior position. Now comes the PMP. Everyone's PMP must be superimposed over the Org Chart and should be the way the organization judges who does their job well and who needs improvement (or removal). A well-oiled machine is dependent on the gears that make the others move. A production line at a factory is no different... when there is a breakdown or delay of one component, the rest of the chain suffers. So, that's my view on the purpose of the PMP at Chevron. It's a tool, that if properly used, helps the organization work like a fine-tuned machine. If not applied correctly or constantly calibrated, there will be problems.
Another pro tip: use the word safe the same way smurfs use "smurf". Example: I safing safe safety! Safety is the safely safiest.
Lol Anonymous137668. So right! I'll add the word "whilst" to my PMP lexicon. I can't lose with that one. Thanks a million.
PMP THE GAME:
How to win: have an experienced supervisor a loud voice who is experienced in the PMP session, and be liked by that supervisor.
How to lose: not doing the process as laid out in "how to win" section.
Rules: utilize buzzwords! Example: "I did the spreadsheet thing and the presentation thing" can easily be turned into "completed the monthly accountability matrix with metrics and automation, while utilizing the knowledge-sharing abilities of coworkers, team members, and management, whilst striving for a safety safe environment, all the while preventing papercuts, whilst demonstrating the danger of papercuts to coworkers, team members, and management in a strongly formatted power point presentation that was visible through vision and audible with my talky voice."
The PMP process at Chevron is utterly broken because it's not managed well. It all starts with HR and management at the top of the organization. There is no understanding of how it needs to work and no accountability either. It's very eary to see there are "holes" in the PMP structure. No one addresses this problem because they don't care.
Yes but drawing pictures of it. Those who can, do, those who can't, teach with visual aids like posters. Quite effective if you're not good at PowerPoint.
Is postering anything like posturing?
We all know this is true. Chevron culture is funny as the nerds try and poster and become blowfish swelled up in these ranking sessions. The postering is embarrassing. I am big, actually huge in stature, to the average employee and a city boy, so I can act the biggest blowfish role. And yes size matters in Chevron, make no doubt about it! It is usually a subconscious indirect influence in business. It's like being back in grade school on the basketball court. Some may want to challenge the big guy on the block and if he keeps body slamming his challengers everyone backs off. I never had anyone in my professional career get in my personal space until ranking sessions at CHevron. So I pick the Alpha male in the session and go after him HARD! My team ALWAYS wins out. So yes it is rigged. I know I am advancing the ignorance of the system but you have to play by the rules of the game. A psychologist would have a field day sitting in one ranking session!
I believe that the point the OP was trying to make is that PMP and PASA are all rigged. Basically these are popularity contests, and also a measure of how forceful and influential your boss is in terms of supporting you.
You are part of what's wrong with this Company Sir !!!!!!! If you know anything about the PMP process its all a numbers game.. I have been a 2+ or 1 my hole time with Chevron until I switched to a Expat Position. I can tell u if u don't drink beer with the bosses u aint getting a 1..