This Week on The Mark

Kilroy · 2015-08-20T14:32:34Z

Ryan nearly drowned in stream of own bullshit but was saved from rushing fecal waters by Coast Guard pararescue swimmers and $28 million bonus. Don makes new video trying to convey his compassion for employees. Lasers shoot out of his eyes incinerating several workers. Don mentions that company's VCIP score will suffer because incinerated employees were not following 8 Simple Rules (first of which is to stay away from him and not trigger his anger induced lasers). After his riveting segment on the "Leading Edge" speculation arises as to whether Michael Hatfield is "Undead" or a "Robot". Readers, feel free to vote. In an effort to cut cost and maximize efficiency, cafeteria announces new hours: 11:00 am to 11:07 am. Ryan confirms layoffs will only occur "After the entire workforce has been strong-armed into giving to the United Way for 2015. COP cannot ignore its responsibilities to people and communities other than its workforce."

Ryan nearly drowned in stream of own bullshit but was saved from rushing fecal waters by Coast Guard pararescue swimmers and $28 million bonus.
Don makes new video trying to convey his compassion for employees. Lasers shoot out of his eyes incinerating several workers. Don mentions that company's VCIP score will suffer because incinerated employees were not following 8 Simple Rules (first of which is to stay away from him and not trigger his anger induced lasers).
After his riveting segment on the "Leading Edge" speculation arises as to whether Michael Hatfield is "Undead" or a "Robot". Readers, feel free to vote.
In an effort to cut cost and maximize efficiency, cafeteria announces new hours: 11:00 am to 11:07 am.
Ryan confirms layoffs will only occur "After the entire workforce has been strong-armed into giving to the United Way for 2015. COP cannot ignore its responsibilities to people and communities other than its workforce."

Thread regarding ConocoPhillips layoffs

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