Dang it 503, I'm laughing so hard that my balls hurt ! !
16 replies (most recent on top)
What is it like to work for Chevron? That's an easy one. Your first day on the job, your supervisor will gently slice off your balls with a very sharp ceramic knife, the same kind of knife used in sushi restaurants, lock them up in a small transparent box, and place the box on the corner of his or her desk. Then, every time you walk into their office to discuss anything, you can see your balls, but you can't touch them, have them, or use them. Once a year, right before final PMP, your supervisor will unlock the box, take out your balls, and let you feel them. This will be just to remind you of who you once were, and with the promise that if next year's performance is good enough, you may be able to borrow your balls now and then. However, you will not get them back, even if you stay with the company until retirement. No, throughout your career, your balls will be handed off from supervisor to supervisor, until you call the TALK2HR phone number on the morning of your first day of retirement. That's when you will discover that the nice lady in Mumbai speaking broken English on the other end of the call has your balls. You will, of course, ask to have them back, but she will inform you that you cannot have them all at once. You see, if you had bothered to read the fine print among the 1,500 pages of new hire documentation all those years ago, you would have known that your balls will be given back to you bit by bit over a 30 year period. If you die before then, your bits of balls will continue to be given to your spouse, of course. And so, your spouse will then bury or cremate the rest of you, but will at least have a steady stream of tiny pieces of your balls to remember you by. Welcome to Chevron!
The OP is an obvious HR troll. Do not respond to these hamfisted efforts by the remaining admin personnel desperate for there continued paycheck. They are so jaded and brainwashed that would sell there own mothers and/or daughters into submissive slavery to keep their "position" in this so-called "company"..
Chevron is a great and rewarding place to work except for having to deal with the crying whiney-babies posting below always blaming their incompetence on someone else or middle/upper management. Hopefully they will be cut with the next round of dead wood, especially the one always whining about working in the GOMBU in every thread wearing out the term "petulance" that they learned watching You-tube and chat-rooming instead of working., These guys should stand up like men and women and QUIT if it's so bad and find another job if You are so great and special and diverse and in demand. Go ahead. What's the problem sissies?
Working at Chevron is great, for the most part. Lots of great workers and fine people. I reserve my criticism mostly for too many well-intentioned policies that are not followed to the letter by most of our management.
@127. - so true
The crying ones are the ones that remember when Chevron really was great !
It's a great company to work for ........ Only problem is having to work with employees who seem to cry about everything. If it's so bad to work for chevron leave. Some of these people would complain about anything, ya there are some short comings like any company but I have worked for some bad companies and I think the average chevron employee does not even know what it's like to work for a bad company.
CVX way is a control religion/rules for level 24 and below. Above it does not apply at all. GO ECUADOR !!!!!
GOMBU is a petulant, child infested sh*thole where people telltale on others for 'not holding the hand rail' or 'not parking backwards - all the while, they themselves don't have to follow these rules and shout and scream at anyone who tells them otherwise.
The first to go to HR is right and team leads treat you like garbage, fabricating lies and making you pay for them while threatening you with your job if you don't tolerate the Chevron way of abuse.
How many other company forums have you posted this same question on? It is the same question on several appearing at the same time by someone trolling.
An endless succession of bitch-slaps, interrupted by the occasional bonus.
A lot depends upon whether you are a direct hire or enter the company during an acquisition like Texaco or Unocal.. During the ???? merger process, I went all out, and volunteered for this and that. By the time I realized that I was wasting my time by not looking outside it was too late. But the dirty politics from the old company won and I got * without any K-Y. I had an option to retire early, but I told myself that I was not just going to leave without finding a new job first. Had 2 in college at the time.
Yes, I got a "job", but in midstream, about which I didn't know jack. Got a lot of funny looks BECAUSE I didn't know jack about that business. The funny part was, I got endless calls from the guy who was put in my former position because HE didn't know the function, didn't know where "X" or "Y" was kept, and was getting no training. I wound up telling him that I had the same problem and could no longer be of help. It took almost almost 2 years before I could post out.
In general, I would say that new hires are treated more fairly than are acquirees.
don't be lazy and seek for a short and quick answer. all you need to know to determine what is like to work here is found in these forum. with every post you will notice a pattern. (Bad management + lack of experience + too many bosses + extravagant benefits + unfair raises + great working hours and a Chevron code that every knows is broken) The system is a joke.