L-3 CSW has announced that it is laying off Santa Claus today. Citing the need for higher executive bonuses, flashier cars for Suzy and Evan, and better hairstyles for Dan (High) Wattage, CSW took advantage of a clause (no pun intended) in Santa Claus' contract, citing the "right to [not] work" for the old, obese, bearded jolly saint Nic. Santa Claus was told to immediately exit Building F, despite being behind on numerous Firm Fixed Price contracts, and despite the fact that the elves were not being paid for their overtime. In response to local news inquiries, the CSW Propaganda Chief said, "Look, we're getting sick of hearing about how employees aren't getting turkeys for Thanksgiving, and that Santa Claus has a right to work here. F--- that! Santa Claus doesn't have a right to s---! We will use his office for our next meeting-before-the-meeting."
4 replies (most recent on top)
Since they fired Santa, Rudolph has turned into "Rudy", an overweight, balding reindeer with a propensity for doing nothing and complaining way too much.
Santa got a higher paying job with better title and more responsibility at a local tech company. I hear he has lost 50 pounds, is dating a 24-year-old Brazilian model named Gazelle, and drives a sports car now.
God save Santa from these miserable wretches!
I hope Santa has good counsel. I smell a Santa law suit...