What is it like to work for Oracle nowadays?
Your first day on the job, your manager will gently slice off your balls with a very sharp ceramic knife, the same kind of knife used in sushi restaurants, lock them up in a small transparent box, and place the box on the corner of his or her desk.
Then, every time you walk into their office to discuss anything, you can see your balls, but you can't touch them, have them, or use them. Twice (or once) a year, right before final performance review, your supervisor will unlock the box, take out your balls, and let you feel them.
This will be just to remind you of who you once were, and with the promise that if next year's performance is good enough, you may be able to borrow your balls now and then.
However, you will not get them back, even if you stay with the company until retirement. No, throughout your career, your balls will be handed off from supervisor to supervisor, until you call the 800-TALK2HR phone number on the morning of your first day of retirement.
That's when you will discover that the nice lady in India speaking broken English on the other end of the call has your balls. You will, of course, ask to have them back, but she will inform you that you cannot have them all at once.
You see, if you had bothered to read the fine print among the 1,500 pages of new hire documentation all those years ago, you would have known that your balls will be given back to you bit by bit over a 30 year period. If you die before then, your bits of balls will continue to be given to your spouse, of course.
And so, your spouse will then bury or cremate the rest of you, but will at least have a steady stream of tiny pieces of your balls to remember you by.