Are you ready for your PIP yet?
The phases of a PIP are as follows:
Denial-My last two quarters are not representative of my performance. I have been here X years and contributed Y and Z after all! Maybe this is just policy and meant to "tune me up" a bit.
Anger-Are you KIDDING ME! Who is that little sh*t to judge me like this? He\she couldn't code\sell\manage their way out of a paper BAG for God's sake. If it wasn't for their team covering for them they would have blown up YEARS AGO!!!!
Bargaining-Maybe I can get negotiate these benchmarks. I mean, obviously so much of this is out of my control, they can't possibly be hanging my career on this. After all, of ALL people my manager knows what our team has been struggling with.
Depression-I am sooooo F*cked. I can walk away with no job in hand for 30 days pay and 90 days of their benefit contribution, or, accept their plan with the knowledge that the goals are unachievable and that I can be fired with no compensation or benefits at ANY time during the 90 day period if my highly subjective manager believes I am not complying with the Spirit, if not the Letter of the PIP. I am expected to trust the dirtbag that put me on the plan in the first place to judge my PIP performance?
Acceptance-F^ck my manager and IBM. From this moment on, no matter where I work, I will use every last opportunity to teach THE WORLD what a horrible company that IBM has become. I need to work for a week or two to get myself in order, then, call HR and put this nightmare behind me.