Proud announce my new job as Global Head of Buffoonery and Chicanery AMERS (GHBCA) at Repetitiv. Excited to be part of a larger team of imposters and frauds in which I have a better place to hide. Ecstatic that my paycheck continues to flow for absolutely no value provided by me in return. Grateful eternally to David for keeping this deadweight team intact. Repetitiv(e) to say "the more things chane, the more they stay the same".
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As "Chief Non-Sense Officer" I, Sandy Klose- with close partnership of James Bruni- would like to take this opportunity to suggest project names for this new reorg!
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"Nest" - We should father the new "nest" with inclusion, idiocy and paycuts and insulate our new nest with fears our employees cant just go somewhere else and literally make 300% more.
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"Altitude" - We're going to rise so high we're all going to blackout and die.
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"Scissors"- We're going to cut an cut and cut people, services and pay!
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"Token" - I am sure we can find a token non ethnic, non gender, ultra liberal who's also disabled to run each new group in the nest.
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"Democracy"- We're going to smoother everyone with "townhall" meetings to make it look like we're listening and care about them like a Democracy.
xoxo,
Sandy Klose and James Bruni
PS It was a good run, folks! Best of luck. A special thanks to TR for all the cool teeshirts ive somehow received over the last 4 years!
People at TR write that way, because they have nothing better to do, and because the british think sounds good == good.
Furthermore, its a typical hierarchical kiss a-- culture.
At TR its all about polish and bs, not delivery. And thats why its going/gone down the toilet.
“The carpet matches the drapes”
- Sandy Klose
It is a good question. Why do all the Reuters lifers write sentences on social media (e.g. LinkedIn) like "Proud to say ..." or "Excited to be part of ..." Does writing like a corporate r----d enhance your career at TR, or just confirm you as another groveling mo--n available for career enhancing "extracurricular" activities? Curious to know!
Dear sandy klose,
We regret to inform you that we have found a transgender black le---an who is blind and therefore more qualified than you. It/she/zir/ze is also a #poundmetoo activist.
Therefore, please sign up to see future jobs, and untill then, stay woke, and lets pretend shillary is president.
Have a nice day!
Refundanative HR
Please review my application for the current open role of Global Regional Double-Secret Probation fintech Mifid-II Vice President, Latam.
I’m uniquely qualified to drop buzzwords, offer zero value and shuffle stacks of catchy project names around before leaving at 430pm every day.
P.S. I’m a woman, so ya know I should be automatically short listed.
Thanks!
-Sandy “BigBird” Klose
No, Global Thought Leaders wear the bright yellow socks and no tie (open collar). Same brown noses though.
Is that similar to global thought leader?
I can picture this Global Head execuspeak zombie with bright red socks, fashionably short suit pants, small brain, and a big brown nose.
Needs more execuspeak cliches