Dear Teacher,
I am a High School Representative working for a shady and unethical company called EDMC. I am emailing you, as well as most other teachers at your school, because I have been told by my managers to reach out to as many instructors as possible.
Basically, I really need to do a career presentation in your class so that I can hit my targets and monthly quotas (and hopefully sucker the students into applying). I know your students have already seen me 3 years in a row, and I know that some of them have seen the presentation 9 different times in 5 different classes, but hopefully you don’t mind. I know your class time is important, but so are my monthly quotas. If I don’t meet them, my manager will put me on a warning…then I’m going to be micromanaged and then I’m going to get fired. I’ve already been locked out and banned by many principals from visiting their high schools… so you really are my only hope. I don’t mean to sound like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here, like I’m desperate… but I kind of am. I will try and make the presentation different than the 9 times your students have already seen it, I promise! As long as I get those inquiry cards filled out, I’ll be a happy camper. By the way, please don’t tell the senior students not to fill out the cards. I know that they have been getting harassing phone calls up to 8 times a day, but this is to ensure that they are getting the information that we persuaded them to request. It’s just an extra customer courtesy that we offer – remember, it’s all for the students. Plus, it’s what makes us really different! I mean, what other post-secondary institutions can brag that they have numerous full-time recruiters overworking, saturating and capitalizing on the high school market? You guessed it – none!
Like I said, I know that students, parents, teachers and principals have all complained that they are being harassed repeatedly and are aggressively marketed to, but don’t get caught up in all that. My managers have assured me that we are doing the right thing – it’s our job to educate students about their career and training options (and to call them repeatedly and coerce them to visit the school and apply even though they have no interest in it whatsoever). At the Art Institute, we believe that anyone can make their dreams come true (as long as they are willing to pay for them first, of course).
Anyhow, I hope you’re as excited as I am about the new presentation. I really hope we can work together again and that you’ll let me back into your classroom. If you hear some little stories on the internet about us being sued for $11 billion by the government, about our company being investigated for unethical recruiting practices, about law firms filing class-action lawsuits regarding the withholding of company financial information, about students petitioning and speaking out against Ai… just close your browser. The World Wide Web can be quite a deceiving source of information.
Now that we’ve cleared up all those little bumps and hurdles, I’m certain we can look past this. I look forward to seeing your students again for the 10th time. How does tomorrow sound?
Yours sincerely,
High School Representative