#humor

Here’s how it all went down. I was on vacation at the beach, sipping a piña colada, when my manager sent me a text message saying it was an emergency and that I needed to get back to her immediately. I couldn't believe it. Was I really that important? Feeling a rush of self-importance, I replied, "Yes, boss, how can I help?" She then sent me a Zoom link.

I joined the meeting with my camera on so she could see how hard I was working - taking calls at the beach like a LinkedIn entrepreneur on the grind. However, I was surprised to see my skip-level manager on the call, complete with the classic Oracle fake office Zoom background. That's when it hit me: I had read stories on thelayoff.com about situations just like this. I was about to get laid off!

Thinking quickly, I decided to flip the script. Half-drunk, I blurted out, "I’m sorry to inform you that your positions have been eliminated. You will receive an email from HR shortly." The women on the screen widened their eyes in shock, and as they began to protest, the AI system took over and promptly shut them off. Their desperate cries echoed in my ears, and I couldn't believe it. I checked my Slack, and they were gone.

A few days later, when I returned to the office, my peers told me how our managers had indeed been laid off, and their anguished cries still echoed during subsequent Zoom meetings. And here I am, still in disbelief. Now, the last round of my RSUs will vest this month, and with the stock price where it is, I can retire and spend the rest of my days sipping piña coladas at the beach.

Just remember, if you find yourself about to be let go, flip the script, and daddy AI might just rescue you.

DXC = Delivering eXcr-ment to our Customers and Colleagues!

Heard it from my LL6 who's husband is in Finance. Sounds like a big one.

It feels like Yong-Hee has visited every location, region and remote worker over the last two weeks. Squid Games is real and we know LE and Catz are the ones in the masks calling the shots when it hits RED. The only ones left getting Mr Piggy are the not the workers thats for sure.

About Oracle Corp.:
The Oracle Corporation is a large global computer technology company with the main office located in Redwood City, California. ???

Austin, TX soon to be somewhere in Pigs Knuckle. TN

is that a bug or a feature

First, Circle back Low-hanging fruit Bandwidth Ping Sync Loop in Double-click Level set Run it up the flagpole Boil the ocean Move the needle Circle of competence

Then, On the same page Game changer Pushback Buy-in Hit the ground running Value-add Quick win Blue-sky thinking Win-win Touch base

And to wrap it up, Peel the onion Outside the box Swim lane Parking lot Actionable Granular Raise the bar

To All Employees Making $200,000 or Less,

This year’s Labor Day marks a historic shift in our national priorities. No longer shall this holiday be squandered on leisure and rest. Instead, we dedicate it to the true pillars of our economy: corporations and shareholders.

Effective immediately, all workers earning under $200,000 annually are required to report to work on Labor Day. Wages for this day will be graciously withheld in honor of those who truly labor—the board members and investors who bear the burden of quarterly earnings calls.

Refusal to comply will be met with swift and patriotic consequences. Jail time will be administered with love and liberty. 🇺🇸🫡

Let us celebrate Labor Day the American way: by working harder, earning less, and saluting those who profit most.

Yours in freedom,
#47